Traveling Mercies

CHANGE WITH ME

2009-04-03T13:41:00.001-07:00

Spring is here. Time for a Change:

www.anewdayrises.wordpress.com

New look, new name...same neurosis.

Please change your links, bookmarks, ect.

Looking forward to catching up with you over at my new place.

Sleepy

2009-04-02T08:57:00.000-07:00

We are 'sleep training' Jack right now.

I use the term loosely because I think it's more us being 'trained' than him. It's funny, before I had a kid I thought I was an expert on child-rearing. I just figured if you were firm but fair and followed through, your kid would do what you wanted. Oh how naive I was. I may only be five months into this parenting gig but my world has been blown away with what I've learned about babies and their opinions.

My child has opinions; lot's of them.

Anyway, back to the sleep training. Basically, Jack is large and in charge at nearly 20 pounds, and there are a couple of nearly 1-year-olds we know who weigh about the same and sleep consistently through the night. So, I don't think it's a nutritional need in the middle of the night, if anything, it's habit. He wakes up at the same time every night no matter what time he goes to bed.

The hard thing about getting him to drop his middle of the night feed is that he isn't a baby that can be soothed with rocking or snuggling especially when he is mostly asleep anyway. When we go into him it seems to wake him up more and then it really pisses him off when no boob is offered.

So, we just lay in bed, gripping the blankets, trying to keep ourselves out of his room while he works it out. Not fun. Granted it's almost never more than 10 minutes, but at 1am, ten minutes kind of feels like an eternity.

Last night he slept until 6am with no crying. Hopefully I didn't just jinx myself by talking about it on the Internet.

Abs of Mush

2009-04-01T14:59:00.000-07:00

I went jogging yesterday.

I'm sore today.

I only ran one mile...

Please don't judge me.

I walked an additional three miles plus the one I ran.

I still only jogged one mile.

My abs are sore.

My quads are sore.

Too bad it's cruddy weather or I would attempt it again...

Every Day is New

2009-03-31T21:25:00.000-07:00

In the last 10 days Jack has started rice cereal, found his feet, rolled over and sits unsupported.for short amounts of time...and that's just what I can think of off the top of my head.

He's also really found his voice and his happy shrieks and babbling can be heard anywhere in the house.

I'm really enjoying this stage of babyhood. He loves to play on the floor exploring his toys and putting everything in his mouth.

Jack seems to have gained a bit of independence in the last couple of weeks as well. He is happy to play with his toys or sit in his booster seat or johnny jumper while I get things done around the house. He loves tags, so any of his toys that have a tag enthral him. He will diligently work until he can get the tag in his mouth.

The nonstop travel and busyness don't seem to have an end in sight but that's okay because it's all good stuff. Lots of family coming and going which we love.

I had a bad stomach flu last week and I think along with my insides the last of my brains seeped out with it. I have no energy for blogging or writing in general...

So, if I'm hit and miss the next few days, you'll know why!

We've Been Busy

2009-03-22T19:54:00.000-07:00

We spent the weekend at White Pass with the same great friends who went to Utah with us.

We snuggled by the fire, read books, played with the kidlets, and ate way too many cookies. Libby has a good excuse to eat cookies...me not so much!

At one point on Friday, Libby and I looked at each other over the top of our books and asked if the other wanted to venture outside...you know, just to be able to say we left the condo that day...we decided against it and settled on making tea and eating more cookies. (On a side note, it is so awesome to have a fellow book nerdy friend! Love it!)

The guys skied a bunch, but the moms decided icy slushy snow just wasn't our thing. I was on deadline this week, so the weekend coming early was a blessing. I got my work done and didn't have to worry.

Amy snapped this cute photo of us, I love that Jack looks like he has no neck (or body), just a floating head. I didn't exactly pack appropriately for him, so we had to get a little creative in keeping him bundled up.

Hope your weekend was as relaxing and restful as ours was!

Edible

2009-03-18T13:39:00.000-07:00

Couldn't you just eat him? I think I'll dip him in chocolate and have him for dinner. I need to scan some pictures of Aaron as a baby because more and more Jack is starting to resemble him. (I think it's in their facial expressions more than anything).

They certainly share one clear character trait and that is stubbornness. And it makes me laugh because I can't believe that just shy of 5-months, this kid has a stronger will than I do.

I thought before I became a mother that children were 90 percent nurture and 10 percent nature. Not so. I think best case scenario it's 50/50.

Take for example that my child is perfectly capable of rolling over from his tummy to his back and vice versa. When he's on his tummy, he pushes himself up on his arms and even rocks to the side but once he feels the pull of gravity he pulls himself back to his stomach. Or, when he's on his back, he can roll up onto his side and reach for toys but he refuses to actually roll all the way over. And of course, now I have something new to obsess over. Doesn't the universe know I'm still busy obsessing over a bunch of other stuff? (Which by the way, it looks like his tummy issues have resolved themselves for the most part...yea!)

I realize that I'm putting all these expectations on Jack's behavior that are completely inappropriate. He'll roll when he wants to and it's no big deal when he does it. But for me, who internalizes and stews on everything, it's hard not to have a reason and then a solution to this 'problem.' I like to fix anything that seems broken, whether it's a relationship, a work issue or a baby who doesn't want to roll over. Anne Lamott writes in Traveling Mercies that there are really only two prayers, Help me, Help me, Help me and Thank you Thank you Thank you.

I feel like I'm praying a lot of 'help me' right now. Help me not be such a stress case, help me not put so much pressure on my child already, help me be the kind of mom who can relax and enjoy the moment, help me not miss out on the joy that he is because I'm too busy worrying...the list goes on and on.

So, now that I've written out all my help me's, I'll finish this blog post with a few thank you's. Thank you for a boy who laughs and shrieks and talks all day long, thank you for sunshine and warmish weather, thank you for big blue eyes, for tulips on the verge of blooming, thank you for a husband who loves our son, good friends and the reminder that it's not my world to try and control.

Gratitude

2009-03-17T08:52:00.000-07:00

Jack and I had a great weekend in Bellingham loving on soon-to-be-born Baby Lim and her mama. The college roommates have a tradition of gathering for a girls weekend to celebrate upcoming weddings or babies.

It always cracks me up how we can all pick up where we left off as if we were just living together yesterday. There is lots of laughing, a little bickering and that wonderful unspoken understanding that friends who really know each other just have.

Thanks ladies...now send me your pictures so I can post them on my BLOG!

--

And as thankful as I am for my friends, I'm really grateful for my hubby. Why you ask? Well, as I was sitting on Snoqualmie pass in an awful snow storm waiting for avalanche control to finish up, I thought to myself, if Aaron was here I wouldn't have to drive...

There is so much I take for granted that my husband just does. He drives in the scary weather, he maintains the cars and almost always pumps the gas. He mows the lawn (I've never mowed a lawn), fixes the plumbing, calls the repair man when we need it and pays the mortgage. I wouldn't know up from down if he disappeared. I know I could do all those things, but I'm so thankful I don't have to, and even more thankful that I get to be married to my husband. He's the best (to me!).

--

Aaron spent his free weekend knocking back projects around our house. He's so funny, I always encourage him to just relax and kick back whenever I leave town and instead he busies himself around the house fixing and tweaking things. Apparently, he is relaxed...

Anyway, he took a hand sander to our hardwood floors and re-verathaned then and they look fantastic! Several years of dog nails, high heals, and one to many times of dropping food on the floor and they were looking a little rough. Now, you can slide across them in your socks and Rem keeps slip sliding around as he tries to round a corner.

He also rotatiled a garden space in our side yard, so I'll keep you posted as things start growing.

Getting Ready

2009-03-11T20:52:00.000-07:00

Okay...moving on...shall we?

It's bitterly cold here. The sun is out and my tulips and daffodils are peeking out from their winter blankets of leaves with such hope. Every time I walk past them, I think not yet little friends; wait just a little longer.

I'm ridiculously hopeful for spring. Stroller walks, gardening, shorts, flip flops, backyard barbecues, camping, SUN!

I almost bought Jackson sunscreen at Target today. But I decided that wasn't exactly a necessity just yet. Someday soon though...right?

I'm thinking about planting a vegetable garden this year. What should I plant? What's easy for a first timer? I don't have much room, so I'm thinking beans and peas are out but what about carrots, peppers and lettuce?

Talk to me people...the old blog has been a little quiet lately.

Your Blog is a Little Heavy on the Poop...

2009-03-10T13:24:00.000-07:00

That is a direct quote from my husband.

I make no promises that this is the last blog entry about my sons bowel movements. It's a little all consuming these days.

I initially thought that the taking dairy out of my diet was helping, but I think I'm wrong. I don't think there's been any improvement yet and it's day five. I'm off to the natural foods store to buy baby probiotics. I'm sticking to the no dairy for a bit longer and I've also cut out nut products since my side of the family has that allergy and I eat peanut butter a lot.

I'm stressed.

Anyway...

I made really good chicken tortilla soup today. Here's the recipe:
(do you like how I'm now mixing my conversation about poop with food...I've hit new lows even for myself).

4 chicken breasts
1/2 can refried beans or more (trust me)
can of black beans
can of dices tomatoes
can of green chilies
1/2 red pepper and 1/2 green pepper finely diced
1 medium yellow onion finely diced
1 box of low sodium chicken broth
1/2 jar of good green salsa
3 tbsp. taco seasoning
salt and pepper

Throw chicken breasts into your crock pot (frozen or fresh) with half jar of green salsa. If you really want to turn up the flavor add 1 cup of water and two chicken bouillon cubes. If you don't have the boullion don't worry about it. Let cook on high for about two hours or until the chicken is cooked through.

Shred chicken with two forks and leave in crock pot. Add chicken stock, black beans, tomatoes, onion, peppers, corn and taco seasoning. Stir in refried beans and let simmer for another couple of hours. Add salt and pepper as you see fit.

Top with sour cream, avocado, tortilla chips and cheese!

The refried beans add a touch of creaminess to the soup, which I love. Although I will warn you that it will separate in the soup (when it's been cooled) and make the soup look kind of gross. Just give it a quick stir and it will congeal the way it's supposed to.

Happy crock pot day.

What Do You Title a Post About Poop? (Again)

2009-03-08T13:03:00.000-07:00

We're on day three of no dairy and unbelievably we are seeing a marked improvement in Jack's 'issues.' I don't know if it's related but he's also sleeping a little better.

Sad for me as I made my famous garlic mashed potatoes that have butter, cream cheese and sour cream blended into them for dinner with friends last night. I sadly passed them by and piled salad high on my plate.

I'll be interested to know if all the diarrhea we've been dealing with is legitimatly a milk intolerance/allergy or if his system is just having a hard time digesting it while it heals from a virus. Regardless, I'm hopeful we've rounded the corner.

This morning I made french toast with vanilla soy milk instead of milk and it was really good. I almost couldn't tell the difference. I added extra cinnamon to cover the soy aftertaste and it worked!

Aaron and I were laughing this morning that this is going to force me to get over my sweet tooth since just about every dessert I love has chocolate, butter or some other kind of dairy in it.

Those last two or three pounds that have so stubbornly hung on...I'm hoping they disappear. Which, can we talk about weight for just a minute?

What is the deal with post-pregnancy bodies? The weight is almost all gone but my body doesn't look like it used to. Some of my old pants are too big...others are too tight. Shirts still don't fit right. I'm not necessarily complaining and I honestly don't think it's noticable to anyone but me and probably my husband, but it's a little disconcerting.

In some ways, I feel more comfortable in my own skin than I ever have before...there's something about aknowledging what your body is capable of in carrying and birthing a baby that makes me feel a little more tender and forgiving towards it. On the other hand, sometimes I look in the mirror and see every flaw, real and imagined, and just feel gross. Womanhood is such an odd dichotomy of embracing and hating ourselves all in the same moment.

I do love this picture I'm posting of Jack and I. We both look so healthy and happy. And truly, as contrite as it sounds, means more to me than anything.

4 Month Update

2009-03-06T13:15:00.000-08:00

We went to the doctor for Jack's well baby appointment this morning. Our big boy weighed in at 19 pounds 5 ounces and 27 inches. He is big!

The doctor was pleased to see him meeting all his milestones and Jack showed off his new found 'voice,' shrieking and babbling away. He was a champ with his shots and only cried for a minute.

Unfortunately, we still haven't gotten the diarrhea completely in check and which means this mama is going off dairy for a couple of weeks to see if it helps. The dairy thing is hard because he doesn't have any other symptom of a milk allergy, but I don't know what else to do other than wait.

We have two weeks before his diarrhea goes from 'no big deal' to labeled chronic. And chronic diarrhea required x-rays and scopes and other scary tests that I don't want to think about.

The doctor thankfully didn't seem overly concerned because he is so big, it's not hindering his growth and he remains in the 95th percentile for height and weight. But, I'll be honest I'm starting to feel pretty anxious about the whole thing. I just want him to be okay.

Jack slept for about an hour in his crib today and I'm off to attempt another one. We didn't have such a great day sleeping wise yesterday so I'm hoping today is better.

Grace in Small Things

2009-03-05T20:27:00.000-08:00

1. A perfectly made americano this morning

2. Stripy jammies

3. Laughter floating from the bathroom as Aaron bathes Jack

4. A new book to read

5. Chocolate chip oatmeal cookies (warm!)

6. Not having to do the dinner dishes

Mom Gig

2009-03-04T14:34:00.000-08:00

I love this boy.

Especially when he's only wearing a diaper and his pudgy rolls are that much more accessible for munching.

We are in sleep-training boot camp around here. Day three and I'm confidant we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Jack just slept nearly two hours in his crib. I think some of this is harder on me than it is him.

I'm leaning more on the Healthy Seep Habits Happy Child philosophy with a dash of Baby Wise thrown in. We are working on naps at 9am, 1pm, a cat nap at 5pm and bedtime at 7-7:30pm. At this point I'm getting a 30 minute nap out of him at 9am, 1 to 2 hour naps in the afternoon, nothing but crying at 5pm and he goes down easily for bed at night. I'm not sure if I'll keep the early evening nap, but at 4 months old, I think he needs it. Any suggestions or reccomendations are welcome...please throw your two cents in.

This mom-gig is so much harder than I ever thought. The sheer weight of responsibility, not just to keep him alive, but to raise him falls heavy on my shoulders. Not because it's too hard or because I don't like it...but because I love this little guy so deeply and with such intensity that I don't want any mistakes made. I don't want to hurt him, mess up or make a choice that leads us down the wrong path.

And I know I will...I already have.

But I look into those beautiful blue eyes and see nothing but infinite potential.

For him and for me.

Park City

2009-03-02T19:56:00.001-08:00

We had a fabulous time on vacation. Of course, even with the best of inentions, we didn't take a single photo, so these are stolen from Libby's blog.

This was a perfectly timed escape from dreary Yakima. We arrived to beautiful sunshine, eager grandparents, good food and decent snow. Even better, it was a truly fantastic time with friends. We laughed a lot (mostly about bodily functions)...I swear some things never change! But we snuck in some great conversations as well. After a couple of lonely years in Yakima, we are blessed with rich friendships.

Sir Poops-A-Lot

2009-02-26T08:04:00.001-08:00

I'm happy to report Jack is on the mend. We are finally seeing a return to normal for our boy and gauging by the amount of drool the kid is currently dripping all over me, any worries of dehydration are out the window.

(Did you know one sign of dehydration in an infant is dry mouth?) This little illness put me on high alert. I don't like seeing my boy sick.

Anyway, we're off for four days of skiing, eating, drinking and playing...and maybe a little shopping. It's snowing in Utah right now and I'm hoping to avoid taking another spill like a I did a few weeks ago. I was up until midnight finishing up work projects so I could leave without worrying. It feels good to actually have gotten everything done.

We've been playing around with the idea of moving for several months. We have a great house but the layout isn't very conducive for a mobile baby and we have really limited storage space. Well, two nights ago a guy got stabbed at the park down the street from us. We have one rental house on our block and of course it is currently housing drug dealers. Apparently some deal went bad.

Finding a new house just got moved back up the priority list! I wanted to go for a walk with the boy yesterday afternoon, but I'm still a little spooked. It's not likely I would get robbed and stabbed, but just the fact that it happened so close to my house really frightens me. Who knew we lived in the ghetto?

Jack says...I want a new house...and maybe a new pair of pajamas...

Like Father Like Son

2009-02-23T22:13:00.000-08:00

This picture melts me. Aaron and Jack sleeping in at his parent's house.

As usual I have lots to talk about but little inspiration to get it on the blog. I have a sick baby and lots of work to do. It's 10:18pm and my brain is shot. The countdown to our upcoming ski vacation is in full swing.

How about a few quick bullet points:

I made Aaron chocolate cake with chocolate frosting from scratch for Valentines day. It was divine.
We made an impromptu trip to Spokane over the weekend when we heard all of Aaron's siblings would be in town. We had a great time seeing everyone but didn't get to see one of his brothers.
Unfortunately, Jack was stricken with mystery diarrhea which is still plaguing him. (hence no phone calls to my sweet spokane girls...I didn't want to risk infecting your little ones). It's bizarre, he is eating and playing normally, but on Sunday we panicked when we found blood in his diaper. We're having tests run, but no news yet.
I walked four days last week and did 30 Day Shred twice, I'm back in the game. And I'm sore.
One of my freelance clients should slow down in March which hopefully means more blogging and less complaining.
Sleep training starts a week from today when we get back from vacation. I'm scared.

I'm off to bed...my brain is fried.

Valentines Day

2009-02-13T09:12:00.000-08:00

I almost ruined our first Valentines Day.

Aaron and I had been dating about two months (long distance). My best friend Cate and I drove from Bellingham to Spokane so our boyfriends (also best friends) could take us on a surprise date. as a side note, Aaron and I introduced our friends Chad and Cate to each other, they hit if off, got married several months before us and now have a beautiful daughter named Claire. Also...Cate and I have a bit of a track record of dating best friends; we did the same thing in high school!

Anyway, back to my story. The day started with a beautiful delivery of fire and ice roses (my favorite!) and a sweet card. I was very smitten with Aaron but as a senior in college I didn't think I wanted anything 'too serious' and the fact that we were dating long distance, I didn't have much hope it would work out. Besides, he had long hair and wanted to be a Youth Leader when he graduated college and that didn't exactly go hand in hand with my plans.

The date consisted of snowshoeing, dinner out and then the four of us met up to stay at Chad's lake cabin for the night. Snow shoeing was a blast, dinner was fantastic, but it started to go down hill on the drive to the lake cabin.

Throughout the day, Aaron would make casual remarks about our future, they were sweet and innocent but the pressure was building. Like I mentioned before, as much as I adored him, I was completely pessimistic about it working out long-term. So, after an entire day of "someday we should..." or "lets do x,y,z someday," I was starting to panic.

Like the flip of a switch I turned into an ice princess. Cold shoulder, one word answers and the silent treatment frazzled my sweet boyfriend and baffled our friends. Finally, after a few hours of this, Aaron got me to start talking. As I rambled about how I just couldn't picture the future and we were just supposed to be 'having fun, nothing serious;' I realized how ridiculous I sounded.

I knew I wanted 'someday' with him. Who cares if we live 6 hours apart, we would make it work. Something triggered in my heart that night and a relaxed confidence settled into both of our hearts and I never freaked out over the future again. Thankfully Aaron forgave my drama and we went back to having fun with our friends.

A few months later I graduated from Western and moved to Spokane. Six months later we were engaged. Before we would actually get married, Aaron would be transferred to little old Yakima and we would do another 5 months of long distance.

We were so young when we met each other (heck, we're still really young) but I'm so glad life unfolded the way it did. It's amazing to look back and see all the little moments that lead up to right now. I couldn't have dreamed up a better present. This year, I have an extra special Valentine, who is currently napping in his crib. Can I get a hallelujah?

Wishing you chocolates and over priced flowers tomorrow! (And take my advice, don't turn into an ice princess on Valentines day...it ruins the mood).

Growing

2009-02-11T09:29:00.001-08:00

Two really great things happened yesterday while I was brooding and feeling sorry for myself; I noticed the rotating pictures on my screen saver and read my friend Libby's blog. Both seemingly small things, had a profound impact on my mood and attitude. I thought I would share a few of the pictures I was looking at. I've already posted a lot of these, but I can't get enough of them, so I'm re-posting. I can't believe how Jack has grown in the last three and a half months. He absolutely amazes me. God is good.

*My husband is very cute and I love him for many reasons, one of which is when we woke up this morning to dog diarrhea all over our basement, he cleaned it up and let me continue snuggling the baby. Even my nasty carpet can't ruin my renewed spirit.

Cool Drink of Water

2009-02-10T21:34:00.000-08:00

My dear friend Libby wrote a post today that was everything I needed to be reminded of.

Spirit filled words.

Go and be blessed by what she has to say, and take a few minutes to read her story. You won't regret it.

Brooding

2009-02-09T14:26:00.000-08:00

I think the lack of posting the last few days has to do with how jam packed my brain is these days. Swirling around in there are several 'problems' I can't seem to fix so instead I just walk around in circles accomplishing nothing, but worrying about everything.

At the top of the list is my work situation. I have two major freelance clients. One requires that I spend about 8 hours in the office and another 8 to 10 hours at home. The other client doesn't require anything, they just send me work as they need it done. They promise to be consistent but it rarely is. Right now, it's really busy and the two clients combined are tricky to juggle. Days like today where I am up at 6am, working in the office, rushing home, feeding the baby and then praying he'll take a nap so I can work some more, in a word: blow.

I'm grateful for the work. Really I am. But, I miss my baby, I hate being so busy and I feel like neither of the projects are getting the attention they deserve. I promised myself when I had Jack that I would slow down and commit to doing less, but here I am in the same place I've been my whole life...over committed.

Please don't get me wrong, I know how lucky I am to not have to work full-time, but honestly, the challenge for me is that the work feels never ending. If I'm not taking care of the baby or cleaning up the house, I need to be working. Which means less time to spend with my husband and child, and no time for myself.

Here is what is so challenging for me, one of the clients is nice and steady. It's not the most exciting work I've ever done, but I can count on the paycheck. The other client provides work that I really enjoy, is very flexible and I can practically do it with my eyes closed, but it's not consistent.

Which leads me to my next conundrum, we are too busy. But when faced with a free day, both of us complain of boredom. We have work, baby, lots of social and work obligations, Aaron sits on several committees and we are in a bible study at our church. Throw in visits from out of town family, a dog and taking care of a house and there is barely enough time to eat a meal or catch a few hours of sleep.

And sleep, that's probably my biggest concern. Jack doesn't nap. He needs a more rigorous schedule and I know it, but each day is different around here. I can't decide if I need to hunker down and sleep train for the next few weeks or if it's okay that he typically only sleeps for 45 minutes at a time during the day. Night time sleep is going pretty well with just one middle of the night feeding...but this napping thing has me stumped. Littered all over my night stand is Baby Wise, Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child and Your Baby's First Year, all of them with different things to say.

I'm frustrated. I feel disconnected, stressed, frazzled and a little bit like I'm failing. I think what bugs me the most is I've done this to myself over and over again. Eventually I will have to make a choice about my clients and that's going to suck. Eventually I will back away from some of the commitments I've made and feelings will be hurt.

I know a lot of this will work itself out eventually. But, it's hard to wait. It's easier to worry and fuss.

Because I have blog block

2009-02-07T17:26:00.000-08:00

Not writers block...but a blog block. There's lots going on in my neck of the woods and I'm sure lots to talk about, but I just stare and stare at a blank page and can't come up with anything to write about...so...here is 25 things about me pulled from my facebook page. I'm a dork.

1. Tomatoes always look so good to me but I hate the way they taste. However, I do like tomato products such as salsa, ketchup and marinara sauce.
2. I don't color my hair, but since being pregnant I've started plucking grey hairs. My time is coming.
3. I never thought I would love motherhood as much as I do.
4. I also never thought motherhood would be so consistently challenging.
5. I think I could be a decent athlete if I put my mind to it.
6. I played the viola for 7 years. I was an orchestra nerd in middle school.
7. I was 5'4" in 6th grade. I was all gangly legs and arms and neck. I looked like a marshmallow with twigs.
8. I make really good scones.
9. I hate taking out the garbage and unloading the dishwasher.
10. My passport was stolen in Guatemala in college. I have yet to replace it.
11. I got married in a museum.
12. My husband is my best friend. I feel very lucky to be able to say that.
13. I never thought the day would come I could call Yakima home...but it did and I do.
14. Aaron and I gutted and remodeled our house ourselves. New kitchen, bathrooms, every room has been painted, a newly finished basement with french doors, a slated fireplace and lots of landscaping. I love all the work we've done but I would never want to take on a project of that scale again.
15. I love to read. I often will read a novel in one sitting. If I have a lot to do, I'll read the book over the course of two or three days.
16. I am terrible about returning phone calls. Horrible.
17. Repetitive noises drive me crazy.
18. I have a true phobia of throw up. There was a time in my life when I wouldn't use public restrooms because I was afraid someone might be in there puking. I'm slowly getting over it. Having my son puke on me everyday helps.
19. Priest Lake holds very dear and happy memories for me.
20. If I find a song I really like, I will listen to it over and over again. It used to drive my roommates crazy. It currently drives my husband crazy.
21. I can't start my day without a cup of coffee. I literally feel sick if I try and skip it.
22. I procrastinate. Hence, I am writing a list of 25 things about me instead of working. Not good.
23. My eyes are blue but most people think they are brown. I don't know why.
24. I've never broken a bone.
25. I can't finish this list without mentioning Rem, our golden retriever, who will forever be our first born. He is afraid of laundry baskets, loud noises and the vacuum. He loves tennis balls, leftovers, hunting and going for walks. He is the best.

I love him.

2009-02-04T16:11:00.000-08:00

Slip Sliding

2009-02-01T21:39:00.000-08:00

We kissed the babe yesterday morning and happily handed him off to his grandparents for a half day of skiing. This was our first trip of the season and the equation of post-baby body plus new ski boots equaled easy slopes and leisure riding.

That was until we met up with a buddy of Aaron's in the cafeteria when we were grabbing some lunch. After rubbing the hurt out of my feet, swigging my last sip of beer (liquid courage) and bundling back up, we headed out.

Needless to say, we found some more challenging runs.

I took a tumble. A big one.

I don't like moguls but the run we were taking had them so I didn't have a choice in avoiding them. I've skied moguls hundreds of times in the 20 years I've been skiing, but I've never felt confidant enough so I usually just avoid them. I don't know if I just wigged myself out of what but I hesitated about a third of the way down the slope, as I went to slow down, I caught an edge and found myself tumbling down the hill.

I literally fell the rest of the way down the run, mostly backwards, landing with a thud on the cat track. Aaron thinks I fell about 200 feet if that creates a visual. I wish we could have gotten it on film because I know I could have won some money with all the screaming and flailing. I think the worst part was I kept trying to grab at the snow to slow myself down yet could not stop.

I laid on the ground for a second trying to decide if I was dead or not. After realizing I was fine, I gingerly stood up, put my skis back on (thanks to my husband who so nicely retrieved them) and skied down the rest of the run.

I'm pretty sore today in my neck and shoulders but I don't even have a bruise to show for it. Aaron and I have been laughing about it non stop, but in the back of my mind, I keep thinking how thankful I am to be telling this story from the warmth of my own home and not a hospital bed.

We decided I had some angels cushioning that fall.

So, next time, a few less moguls and a few more blue square runs. I'm becoming more and more of a fair weather skier, and after yesterday, I think I'm okay with it. (Maybe I'm just getting old?)

Drowning

2009-01-29T19:24:00.000-08:00

The nonexistent posting this week is due to drowning in the following:

snot
freelance projects
green, yucky, sinus exploding snot
a baby who laughs (oh my gosh...the baby laughs...it's the best thing ever!!!)
opinionated mothers (my mother has been here since Sunday)
dog hair (I am seriously losing my mind when I look around and see yet another dog hair tumbleweed go blowing by not five minutes after I've vacuumed)
homemade lemon pound cake...really not good for the 'healthy living commitment'
more snot

I have the head cold from hell. I sound like an emphysema-riddled old lady and every time I cough it startles my son. I haven't shredded this week, but I have gone on a few walks with the baby. My bob stroller rocks.

I really hope I'm better tomorrow because I'm supposed to go skiing this weekend and I don't want to miss it. I have new ski boots to test out and I got my skiis waxed.

Substantial posting and a renewed commitment to getting rid of the junk in my trunk next week.

Wait...how does this work again?

2009-01-22T18:25:00.000-08:00

After nine months of eating as I pleased with the excuse of gestating a human being, my favorite phrase to my husband was 'but it's for the baby,' (best if spoken in a high pitched sugary sweet voice) and three months of nursing through the holidays...I think I've forgotten how to eat in moderation.

Seriously people...

It would be easy for me to blame being hungry on nursing a giant baby, but that would be a lie.

I just like to eat cookies.

So, here is my truthful update about 30 day shred and taking health seriously. I am currently living as a hypocrite. I dutifully do the video every day (which it's still awesome and it's still kicking my ass) and then reward myself with a plate of cookies. This little habit I have going is not going to aid in losing the last of my baby weight.

Needless to say, I did not lose any weight this week. If I look at the scale in just the right light at just the right angle, it sort of looks like maybe I lost half a pound? I think that's me being delusional though...

I feel like if I don't get my little secret out in the open then I'll just have to accept my muffin top and if there is one thing I will not accept...it's the muffin top.

When Jillian Michaels yells at the camera towards the end of level two, "I want you to feel like your going to die..." I say a little prayer...not today God, I just baked cookies...

2009-01-21T14:45:00.000-08:00

Jackson is suddenly getting a bit picky over taking a bottle. It took me several attempts to get him to take a bottle yesterday and then Trisha watched him for me this morning while I was at work and he refused it from her as well. Both times he has eventually taken the bottle, because as you can see, the kid doesn't turn down food, but I'm a bit perplexed. I really hope he doesn't completely resist the bottle, because then I'm really going to be in trouble.

Jackson's expression in this picture is what I look at all day long...somewhere in between a little surprised and perplexed. I love that little face.

That onesie by the way is size 6-12 months. The kid is a tank!

Favorite Time of Day

2009-01-20T08:07:00.000-08:00

Every day in the soft gray light of the early morning, my son 'calls' from his room. I stumble down the hallway and am greeted with a grin and a shriek. We do the necessary diaper change and then snuggle in on the couch for breakfast. Me with a cup of coffee balanced carefully on the arm of our couch and Jackson contentedly nursing away.

My favorite time is the ten minutes after he finishes nursing and we cuddle and play...delaying the inevitable start of our day. We smile and talk, lots of kisses are given out and I soak up his beautiful baby face. Those blue eyes melt me over and over.

Soon enough he is going to be running and playing, not wanting to slow down for hugs and kisses from me, so today I'll treasure the moment.

Special

2009-01-17T11:01:00.001-08:00

My husband sent me a sweet surprise yesterday! It was so awesome to answer the door and see these waiting for me. The bright cheery colors were the perfect anecdote to a long week and the yucky gray weather outside.

It has been a challenging week with Jack. Just when I thought we were getting into a routine with him, he decided to start waking up multiple times a night again. I've gone to all my baby books, talked with friends, called my mom for advice and searched the Internet to try and find a solution on why this baby had given up sleep.

I think a couple of things are going on; it's time to stop swaddling him, he needs more daytime sleep and he might be going through his three month growth spurt. The swaddle issue is tough because it really helps him go to sleep but he seems to fight it quite a bit while he is asleep and it wakes him up. Also, he has recently found his hands and anytime he is awake, his fingers are in his mouth. This is great since he doesn't take a binky, but tough because if he isn't swaddled for a nap, he is waking himself up by trying to suck on his hands.

Oddly enough, the baby slept his 'usual' 8 hours last night from 8:30 to 4:30am. He woke up to eat and went right back to sleep until about 8am. I don't know what's going on...

This is one of those times when I really wish there was a manual to raising children. The rule follower in me just wants somebody to tell me what to do.

It's a good thing he is so deliciously adorable. I think I'll keep him!

Fitness

2009-01-15T12:52:00.000-08:00

Like so many of us, part of my commitment or 'resolution' for 2009 is to lose the last of my baby weight(about 5 pounds but I could stand to lose an additional 5 after that, so lets be honest, it's more like 10 pounds) and make a renewed effort to be healthy. On a scale of 1 to 10, I'm about a 5 when it comes to healthy living. I've always exercised, although I'm not an athlete, eaten lots of fruit and veggies and gotten a decent amount of sleep (pre-baby that is). But, I want to do more.

I was looking for a work out that I could do at home when Jackson is sleeping that would not only hold my attention but also be easy enough to follow along. Turbo Jam is fun but I am just not coordinated enough for it. So, upon the many recommendations of fellow bloggers, I bought 30 day shred and I think it's actually working!

My arms feel stronger, my legs are constantly sore and my belly, which is completely whapped out from having a nine pound baby, even seems to be responding. More than anything I think I have a bit more energy and considering my son has once again given up on sleeping at night, I need all the energy I can get.

My goal this week was to do the workout every day. I missed Tuesday but I'm hoping not to miss any other days this week. I am joining a few other ladies in blogland in posting an update on my progress on Thursdays. You might even see a few before and after pictures, once there is documentable progress.

My other goal, which I wrote about over at Bodies in Motivation, was to eat healthy snacks. I need to ramp up on this one. I'm drinking too much coffee, and dipping into the bags of frozen chocolate chips in my freezer. Yes...I eat handfuls of frozen chocolate chips when there aren't any other treats at my house. What is your secret bad habit? Don't leave me hanging out in embarrassment all by myself!

Mad Face

2009-01-11T21:38:00.000-08:00

'Dad...I'm ready. Those birds have nothing on me. Why are we sitting on this chair and why are you taking my picture when we could be hunting right now...?'

This picture made me laugh out loud when I downloaded it this evening. There is no mistaking this kid is full of personality and his facial expression is priceless. The camo fleece is icing on the cake.

New Favorite

2009-01-11T14:09:00.000-08:00

This is one of my new favorite pictures of Jackson. His smiles absolutely melt me. The kid loves his bath, I honestly think it's the highlight of his day. He has learned to splash (kicking his legs) and while it might drench me, it's completely worth it.

Better Late Than Never

2009-01-10T18:19:00.001-08:00

This amaryllis is a sweet surprise every time I walk by my dining room. It was supposed to be part of my Christmas decor but it just now bloomed this week.

Sorry about the lack of blogging this week. Between starting my job this week and spending every spare moment eating my sons cheeks...there just hasn't been time to do much updating.

It's funny, I don't know if any other working mothers feel this way, but I think I would have happily gone back to work during the first couple of weeks after Jackson was born because it would have been a reprieve from how hard it was at home. Between the sleepless nights, constant crying, blow out diapers and throbbing boobs...a few hours at the office would have been nice. But, in the last few weeks, basically since just before Christmas, my baby has gotten so fun! He coos and talks, smiles a ton, loves to 'stand,' grab at his toys and rarely cries anymore. Now, it's way harder to leave him, even for a few hours because I don't want to miss out.

And to completely change the subject, I need some easy dinner recipes. I'm bored with what I have in rotation...please please share your ideas and recipes with me.

Full Circle

2009-01-01T21:58:00.000-08:00

This questionaire was my very first post a year ago. So...to celebrate my one year blogging anniversary and because it's fun to look back and compare, I decided to do it again.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
went to hawaii, got pregnant and gave birth (in that order...)

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Last year's resolution was to get moer organized...since I mostly failed at it, I think I'll take another stab at it in 2009.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
It was the year of babies...several friends and family members had babies!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Both Aaron and I lost our grandpa's this year.

5. What countries did you visit?
No countries...but several counties. Does that count?

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Jeans that give good ass

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
October 23 -- the day my son was born. The absolute most amazing day of my entire life.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
The birth of Jackson Eugene and my emergence as a mother

9. What was your biggest failure?
I had lots of work drama in 2008 and I think I could have channeled my frustration better and been more professional.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nope

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Bob Jogger -- I've only used it a few times, but it's hands down my favorite 'kid thing' and Jackson loves it too.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My friend Trisha who stayed with me from the minute I went into labor all the way through delivery. She was an amazing friend and support system for me. (Not to say Aaron wasn't incredible, but he had to be there...she didn't)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I'm pleading the fifth on this one...

14. Where did most of your money go?
House, baby, groceries

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The birth of my baby -- I'm seeing a theme here. 2008 was the year of the baby.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Colbie Caillat -- Realize

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?b) thinner or fatter?c) richer or poorer?
happie, fatter and richer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Spent more time with my family specifically my brothers

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
I wish I had eaten less sweets, complained about life less and worried less

20. How did you spend Christmas?
Five jam packed days with Aaron's family in the snowstorm of the decade.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Oh yeah...he's a bit on the chuncky side, doesn't have much hair but he's the baby of my dreams.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
The Office

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Nope

24. What was the best book you read?
Grace Eventually by Ann Lamott

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Lucille and Kanye West -- American Boy (my inner hip hop 13-year-old self loves this song!)

26. What did you want and get?
A baby, a downstairs bathroom, riding boots

27. What did you want and not get?
A new job -- although I did secure one for 2009, details coming!

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
The business of being born

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Spent it at Willows Lodge (which I highly reccomend), I turned 26

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Honestly, nothing. It was a fantastic year. There are always small things but nothing could have made it immeasurably more satisfying.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Preppy casual

32. What kept you sane?
My husband, Starbucks, good friends, excersizing and blogging

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Hmmm...probably any celebrity who was pregnant.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Presidential race

35. Who did you miss?
My family

36. Who was the best new person you met?
I met so many! Some great friendships were forged in 2008

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
God's plan is always better than my plan. (Sounds ridiculously cheesy but I've lived it this year...)

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I'm passing on this one because I can't honestly even think of an appropriate song.

Christmas Recap

2008-12-31T09:19:00.000-08:00

Christmas was...

getting loved on by aunts and uncles,a radio flyer wagon,

a happy baby,

meeting cousins for the very fist time,matching jammies,
silly hats

snowboarding in the street

Not pictured is clearance sale shopping, a date night, sleep deprived parents because a baby who shall remain nameless decided sleeping at grandme and grandpa's house was silly and near constant shoveling due to the ridiculous amount of snow. I noticed this morning that Spokane made the national news because of all the snow they have received.

We are back now and trying to get back into a routine. Jackson got his first cold, which has meant laying low the last couple of days. Thankfully, it doesn't seem to be turning into anything more than a little head cold and he's on the mend.

Happy Happy New Year! We have a babysitter for the very first time and are headed out for a seven course meal with friends. Aaron is a little nervous the food is going to be 'too fancy.' But, I think it's going to be a blast!

Bi-Polar

2008-12-21T14:06:00.000-08:00

And like the flip of a switch, my child started sleeping seven hours at night and has been an absolute dream baby the last two days. Friday night he fell asleep in my arms at 8pm and I had a small revelation that the poor kid probably isn't getting enough sleep. Aaron and I worked really hard on Saturday to make sure he was taking plenty of naps and amazingly he has barely fussed in the last two days. I love these little windows of clarity God gives us.

My blog is named after my favorite book, Traveling Mercies by Ann Lamott. The book is about the author's journey to becoming a Christian and all the people who walked along side her. Those quiet moments where God speaks to us, whether it's about helping our kid to take more naps or way bigger things like making a life change or forgiving someone who has hurt us are traveling mercies. It can also be a kind word from a friend, a warm drink that takes the chill away or a small kindness from a stranger, but it's those moments where you feel God's presence in big and small ways.

I feel l ike I experienced a bit of traveling mercies this weekend...everything from my husbnds ecouragement, to seven straight hours of sleep last night to kind words from dear friends on this little blog.

The snow is falling outside, my baby is sleeping and my oven just beeped letting me know it's done pre-heating so I'm off to make my next batch of cookies. I am surrounded in traveling mercies.

I am blessed.

Balance

2008-12-19T09:55:00.001-08:00

It's 10am and I am still in my bathrobe. Tumbleweeds of dog hair are swirling at my feet, the Christmas tree needs watering, the laundry changed out and I have freelance work to tackle. My coffee has been reheated at least three times this morning and every time I pass by a mirror, I notice how badly I need to pluck my eyebrows.

Sometimes being a mother is really hard. It's hard to balance taking care of someone else with the rest of life's responsibilities. Don't get me wrong, it's the best thing I've ever done and I wouldn't trade a single second, but sometimes...life just seems out of balance.

***

And...now it's 1:48pm and I still haven't finished this post. The baby is finally napping. Why are 8 week olds such little tyrants? Jack refuses to nap in his crib. He will sleep there all night long, but try and put him down during the day and he completely freaks out. He is now swaddled and sleeping in his swing.

I think I might attempt a shower.

On the horizon are big decisions about working. I have an offer on the table for a part-time position but it means finding some kind of childcare for the baby. I've looked at a few places but haven't found anything I feel comfortable with. On days like today, I'm itching to spend a few hours away from the house, doing something for myself.

I think the truth is, I'm nervous. Nervous to add another responsibility to an already full plate. So, we will see what the new year brings. Hopefully a better attitude on my part and a baby who is a little more willing to sleep!

My Boy

2008-12-11T13:21:00.001-08:00

Our Little Cowboy

2008-12-07T20:15:00.000-08:00

Aaron dressed Jackson this morning...can you tell?
Please notice he is wearing John Deere cowboy boots!

And because Jack always looks so serious, I thought I would post a picture of his silly side. It's funny, ten minutes ago I was ready to pull my hair out because he was being so fussy, then I look at these pictures and it all melts away. I would endure 100 more hours of fussing for 10 seconds of that smile.

A Six Week Update

2008-12-03T21:08:00.000-08:00

This is a bit of a narcissistic post, so feel free to scroll down to the cute pictures of my son, and skip this one all together.

Back in October I had the opportunity to write a post about my thoughts on fitness and health post partum for a new web site called Bodies in Motivation. My post was published this week (scroll down, it's the second post) and it got me thinking about my goals and it made be do a bit of a gut-check (did you catch the alliteration?).

Yesterday was exactly six weeks post-partum. On some accounts I have done very well. My most favorite pair of jeans became wearable this week and the scale says I have about ten pounds still to lose, from the 35 I was facing on the day of delivery. But it's more than just the number on the scale, to me it's a good time to check in on how I'm doing as a woman, a wife and a friend.

Let's do a bit of a comparison...me at 40 weeks:

And today...

It really is amazing the body's ability to heal and transform. Just as it blew me away to watch my body grow and deliver a child, I have been almost equally amazed as it has transformed yet again into another version of myself.

I think as women we need to embrace our bodies and be proud of their capabilities. We have the tremendous gift to create and nourish children that no amount of squishy tummies or jiggly thighs should take away from that awesome accomplishment.

Not to say I don't almost daily give into what the world says I should look like. I have shed a few tears over my silver stretch marks and looked discouragingly into my closet at all the clothes that still don't fit. But, I have to remind myself that it's health that's important not a number on the scale.

I'm documenting my transformation...the physical and the emotional. Because I am committed to health -- physically, emotionally and spiritually for myself and my family. I don't think I can mother effectively nor be the woman I know God wants me to be if I don't take seriously all the pieces that make up my life. I know that the healthier I am, the happier and healthier my family will be.

This is sort of a disjointed post, but I am realizing each day that to be an effective mother, one who is calm and joyful and energetic, I have to pay attention to myself as well.

Anyway...just scroll down the my little elf...

A Little Elf

2008-12-03T09:38:00.000-08:00

We have a little elf living at our house. He is watching to see if his parents have been naughty or nice...it looks like more naughty than nice!

Priceless

2008-12-01T15:04:00.001-08:00

Cost of full price airline ticket bought on Thanksgiving morning because of airline/credit card mixup -- $1,060

Cost of Jackson's future therapy after Mommy loses it after said ticket was purchased -- too much to put a number to.

Cost of multiple trips to Starbucks to refuel because 5-week-old baby decides sleep is for the weak -- $12

Cost of frantic trip to Target to stock up on travel size everything -- $32

Jackson meeting his uncles for the first time, spending time with family, my son getting loved on by his grandparents -- PRICELESS

One Month

2008-11-25T17:49:00.000-08:00

In many ways, time is flying by faster than I can keep track of. The days and nights blur together filled with nursing, changing diapers, trying to empty the dishwasher every once in a while and find a little time to hug and kiss on my husband.

I feel a little melancholy when I think that a month has already gone by with my boy. Where did the time go? On one hand I am eager for him to grow up, get to the next stage...and then all of a sudden I am hit with a pang of sadness that it's all going to fast. He's growing and changing so much every day and there isn't enough hours in the day to soak it all in.

Don't get me wrong, there are moments (okay hours) that I want to pull my hair out. There have been ugly moments when I am so frustrated with his crying, the endless hours on the couch nursing, and feeling all around inept at this job I have in front of me, that I have said and done some things I'm not proud of.

And then I take a deep breath, and in the blink of an eye, my son is cooing and smiling at me. He willingly hangs out in his bouncy seat while I take a long shower or he falls asleep on my chest and I am overwhelmed at my love for him.

As usual my words fall short. But, this is such an incredible gift and I have never felt so vulnerable in my life. Never before have minutes and hours been so important. Because, every time I look up, they have passed by and I don't want to miss a thing.

The First of Many Posts About Christmas

2008-11-23T20:55:00.000-08:00

Saturday started off as usual...just hanging out. But since our family will be traveling for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year, Christmas is coming early to our house.

So we got all bundled up and headed for the mountains!
To find the perfect Christmas tree! And thankfully we had spotted this beauty over the summer and actually remembered where to find it!
Unfortunately, Aaron's behind got a little chilly in the process.

Can you tell Aaron is excited for Christmas?

Jackson wasn't all that impressed with the snow or the cutting down of his first ever Christmas tree. He decided to catch a few zzz's instead.

Can you tell how big the tree is? I think we are going to have to cut off a few feet!

Remington's expression sums it up best -- pure bliss.

It's amazing what a little fresh snow, cold mountain air and good company will do for the soul. Tis the season!

(I guess I should mention that the tree isn't actually coming in the house until after Thanksgiving...Aaron put his foot down.)

Sleeping

2008-11-21T09:25:00.000-08:00

Jackson ditched his 5:30am wake up call this morning which meant I only had to get up once last night to feed him!!!! (excuse the overuse of exclamation points, but I'm a little excited). The baby slept from 10pm to 3:30am and then slept again until 6:45am...nothing says love like a sleeping baby.

I'm sure tonight he will wake up every two hours to eat, but last night was awesome, and I feel like you have to celebrate every little milestone. Yesterday marked four weeks with our boy and in some ways I can't believe I've been a mother that long and in other ways I feel like I've been doing this forever...not just four weeks.

Jackson is starting to wear 0-3 month or 3 month clothes and I sadly packed up a few of his newborn clothes this week. His favorite activities continue to be nursing, sleeping. pooping, sitting in his bouncy seat and baths. He has also decided he likes to go for walks in the bob stroller and lay on his baby play mat.

I'm forced to start really thinking about when my maternity leave ends and what I am going to do. I can't imagine leaving Jackson for 8 plus hours a day, but I feel weird about giving up my career all together. In my perfect world I would just do freelance work and that might be an option but it would have to be consistent which isn't really the definition of freelance. My other option is to negotiate to go back to my current job part time or fin a part-time job elsewhere. Unfortunately, public relations and marketing jobs don't really exist in part-time status that often.

It will be interesting to see how this all pans out because at this point I can't even predict.

Here are a few pictures of Jackson's favorite things...

Road Trip

2008-11-18T08:09:00.000-08:00

A couple of bullet points because the baby is squawking and I haven't had my allocated 1/2 cup of coffee yet this morning:

First full week of stay-at-home mommying under my belt and overall it was awesome. We had one pretty hard day last week but other than that, it's been a lot of fun. I just need to figure out when I can clean my house, because that needs to happen at some point.
We took Jackson to Spokane over the weekend and had our first overnight! He was a dream in the car and it was super fun to introduce him to our family.
I nursed the baby in an Arby's parking lot in Moses Lake, nothing says being a mom like whipping out your boob in a fast food parking lot.
I can button a few pairs of my jeans, but I have a long ways to go. I'm looking forward to two weeks from now when I have the clearance to work out, but it's another thing to add to my day when the days already fly by.
Jackson loves his bath! In an attempt to start building a routine, we give him a bath every night. It seems to calm him if he's fussy and sort of help him wind down to go to sleep.
We've had a few nights of five hour sleep stretches but we went a bit backwards last night..oh well.

More to come I'm sure...when my brain works a little better.

Independence Day

2008-11-10T18:53:00.000-08:00

Today was my first full day on my own with Jackson and I am proud to say we had a great day. Jackson slept in today after nursing every two hours from 2am to 6am, so I was super happy to snuggle my boy and sleep until 9am.

We ran out for a cup of coffee, nursed and snuggled some more, went for a walk, Daddy came home for lunch which meant a leisurely shower and combed hair for me and then we has some lunch ourselves, a bit more nursing and a long visit with one of my girlfriends. Jackson actually slept in his car seat for another hour when we got home so Aaron and I were able to have dinner together. Now, Daddy is burping the baby and I snuck upstairs for a little blogging time. (I actually need to be doing some freelance work...but I'll get to that...)

I am recognizing more and more that if I keep my boy full, he does significantly less crying. Sometimes he wants to eat every hour or hour and a half and other times he gives me a three or hour hour break, but if I don't feed him when he makes his hunger known, then watch out.

I was nervous that today would stretch out endlessly, but we had a really good day. It always helps my attitude when the sun is shining, and today was one of those perfect fall days. I am making the transition into 'mother' in fits and starts. I stumble and fall, get frustrated and then have a shining moment where he is happy and content and my heart feels like it could burst with pride and love.

As usual, my words fall short in expressing the state of my heart and mind.

Today was a good day.

I'm looking forward to so many more good days...

It's Worth It...But It's Not Easy

2008-11-08T14:11:00.001-08:00

Motherhood is awesome. I love my boy more than I thought possible. I went to the gym today and even though I was only gone for about an hour...I missed him. But, I'm won't lie, it's not all sunshine and rainbows. I knew the first few weeks would be hard, but until you are living them, you can't describe what it's like. And for me, its not that the work is necessarily so hard or that I'm not bonding with my baby or even that he is super challenging; it's more letting go of pre-conceived notions. My kid crys and sometimes I can't solve the problem or sometimes I'm really bored or sometimes right as the baby has finally fallen asleep he has a blow out and we have to start all over again. I didn't know to expect some of this stuff...

I wasn't expecting all the crying. Jackson has a flair for the dramatic and while he's not 'colicy,' he is not afraid to let his opinions be known. I also didn't expect that he would hate to sleep on his back or alone. The boy is not keen on sleeping in his bassinet or crib. He hates being on his back and naps and bedtimes are an exercise in patience because we have to soothe him multiple times before he finally goes to sleep for a few hours. For a while I was really letting myself getting jealous of my friends with more laid back babies. But, I'm trying to remind myself that its a little early to assign a personality to him and every day things change and get a little easier.

I also feel pretty tired. We are up at least twice each night and sometimes one of those times stretches to an hour or hour and a half. I try and manage a good deal of it on my own because Aaron has to go to work, but I always have to ask for his help (which he is amazing, always leaping out of bed to get the baby) in shushing and rocking the baby back to sleep.

Even though there have been some tough moments and sometimes I want to scream at 4:00am when I realize I've been awake dealing with a cranky baby since 2:30am, I can't believe how much I love my son in just a few short weeks.

And that is what's so hard, I don't have the words to describe how much I love him. He is incredible and I am so in awe. Everything I write about him sounds contrived or overly simple. But, I feel like my life has more meaning, is rich with love and often I am overwhelmed with emotion for him and my husband.

A few things Jackson does like: nursing...nursing...nursing...sleeping on someones chest...his dad and his bouncy seat. Jackson does not like sleeping on his back, baths, getting his butt wiped, sleeping in three or four hour blocks, his swing, waking up and realizing he is in his car seat and binkys. Although, I think we are slowly wearing him down on the binky because my boobs need a break.

How I spend a good portion of every day. Please excuse the double chin.

My happy boy hanging out in his bouncy seat. Mama likes it when he sits in his chair.Proof that the kid knows how to scream. This was mid diaper change yesterday.

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T16:03:00.000-07:00

Birth is Spiritual

2008-10-27T17:10:00.000-07:00

Birth is spiritual...mental...emotional...and obviously physical.

It's the most incredible thing I've ever done.

I've never felt more powerful, as if my body could do anything.

I feel beautiful...like a queen.

When I woke up last Wednesday, I was excited but still silently questioning the induction, wondering if I could honestly say I knew it was the best choice for baby. Throughout the morning I noticed that I was having more and more contractions, finally paying enough attention to notice they were consistently between 10-15 minutes apart.

I went to breakfast with my girlfriend Libby and then headed to my friend Trisha's house to pass the time until Aaron could come home and hang out with me. I mentioned my contractions to Trish (who is a labor and delivery nurse and my 'douala') and we agreed that the contractions would hopefully dilate my cervix a little bit, making the induction that much easier.

Aaron came home a little early and we ran a few errands. I silently watched the clock, secretly getting a little excited that maybe...just maybe my body knew what to do. At about 4pm I laid down to take a power nap and 20 minutes later I sat straight up with a contraction that required walking around. We decided to go for a walk to see if we could get things to intensify, and that is exactly what happened. Over the next four hours the contractions went from 10-12 minutes apart to 4 to 6 minutes apart.

What is sort of funny about the whole situation is that I still didn't think I was in labor. I thought at the most it was pre-labor. The contractions were certainly painful but bearable but I had an expectation that it would instantly be awful, so I just didn't take it all that seriously.

We arrived at the hospital at 8pm on the dot, got checked in and were taken to our room. When the nurse came in I mentioned I thought maybe labor had started on some level. We laughed at how this kid probably takes more after me than we thought, procrastinating until the very last second. The nurse decided to check me and not only was I in active labor, but I was at a 5 and 80 percent effaced! I was elated and nearly started crying because I was so excited! No induction necessary!

Trisha had shown up by that point and the three of us high-fived and got serious about getting my labor to progress. I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but we honestly had fun. I don't know if it was because I had such awesome support or if I was just giddy over the fact that labor had started on it's own, but I was in the best mood despite the pain.

We hung out in the room on the birthing ball for a couple of hours, walked the halls and finally got in the jacuzzi tub. (I got in the tub, the two of them took turns holding my hand and cracking jokes). Around 1am, I was 7 centimeters dilated and the contractions had ramped up. They were harder to breathe through and they were starting to come on top of each other. Jackson was posterior, which is why I had such intense back labor. Aaron and Trisha took turns putting pressure on my hips which helped ease the pain somewhat.

I decided I was ready for the epidural. A half an hour later the anesthesiologist had come and gone and I was feeling much much better. Unfortunately, it didn't really take on my right side and a few hours later, I could really feel the contractions again and they had to come and re-bolster the medicine.

From there, they let me 'labor down' for several hours. Basically, once they broke my water at 10 centimeters, Jackson didn't like the contractions very much. His heart rate would dip during each contraction and we had a few scary moments on and off. At about 7:30am, we got serious about pushing. I've never worked so hard in my life. I thought I would be terrified, but instead I felt powerful and strong. Thirty minutes later, Jackson arrived. Unfortunately there was meconium in the amniotic fluid, so instead of being put directly on my chest, he went to a nicu nurse to be assessed and have his lungs cleared. It took him a minute to cry which was probably the scariest and longest minute I've lived through yet, but he was fine and moments later he was being laid on my chest.

I look at my child and feel in complete awe of God's goodness and faithfulness. I love this child with an intensity I didn't know possible and after just five days I know my life has changed forever because of his presence.

Birth Story Coming Soon...Until Then More Pictures

2008-10-26T13:21:00.000-07:00

Beautiful Beautiful Boy

Sleeping Peacefully
My Favorite Picture Yet...Daddy and Son

Worth The Wait

2008-10-25T18:15:00.000-07:00

Jackson Eugene McCoy
October 23, 2008 at 8:00am
9 pounds 2 ounces and 21 inches

One Day Closer

2008-10-20T21:35:00.001-07:00

So...no baby yet, but my induction date has been moved up to Wednesday night. I'll check into the hospital around 8pm and I will have a medication administered to my cervix. From there, we wait and see how much or if I will continue to dilate. For some women, it's enough to put them in labor, for others the doctor will break their water or give them pitocin.

I met with the doctor who will deliver Jackson today and I adored him. He was kind, encouraging and I felt like he really listened to me. Aaron had a million questions of his own and he patiently answered all those as well.

Unfortunately, I remain a tight 1 centimeter. No change in three weeks now. As much as it was initially disappointing to face the reality of being induced, I have rounded the corner and I'm honestly almost giddy about it. I have faced the reality that my body is going to take it's sweet time to go into labor and enough is enough. If it needs a little push in the right direction, I'm willing to do it. Also, it's sort of feeds my need to plan!

Tomorrow I'm going to clean up my house, organize some of my maternity clothes, do laundry and finish packing my hospital bag. On Wednesday Aaron is going to come home after lunch and keep me company which will help pass the time.

Yea for baby week! I can't believe in a few short days this is all going to be over and I'm going to be a mom. I am so excited.

Waiting Hopefully...part two

2008-10-18T17:13:00.000-07:00

In an effort to induce labor I have tried the following:

walking
jumping
massage with pressure points
evening primrose oil
raspberry leaf tea
spicy food
lovin'
praying (pleading is probably more accurate)
begging...the baby, God, my body and Aaron to just do something already!

But, it has been in vain, because here I am one day past my due date and no baby in sight. I think one of the reasons this waiting game is so challenging is because my body is certainly "preparing" for labor, it's just not actually going into labor. I was reading the pre-labor symptoms in one of my baby books last night and basically I have every sign except consistent contractions that continue to ramp up. Oh well.

This is such an exercise in patience...

I had a small epiphany this afternoon, that this is just one more thing in my life that I can't control. I can't control when this baby is going to arrive, all I can do is wait patiently and have a good attitude while I wait. So much harder to do than say; I won't lie.
Here is one last frightening picture of myself, 40 full weeks. I can't believe that belly, there had better be a giant baby in there.

One More Day...or Maybe Seven

2008-10-16T20:45:00.001-07:00

I'm not going to lie...I'm having a hard time being patient. I want my baby.

I visited with my girlfriend today who had her baby two weeks early! My induction day was her due date. This little thing is so cute and tiny (6 pounds 2 ounces) and I kept thinking...oh my gosh...my baby is bigger than this baby and still on the inside of my body.

Today I made chicken and rice casserole, a pot roast with all the fixings, berry sweet bread (in my new bread pan!) and pumpkin muffins with a cream cheese center.

I also swept all my floors, vacuumed anything with carpet, dusted the house, washed our bed sheets, bought my husband new shoes, worked on a bit of freelance work and went for a walk. If this isn't nesting...I don't what is.

And yet...I don't have baby. So, I'll keep waiting, and praying and trying really hard to be patient. I'm not very good at this waiting game.

How I'm Spending Maternity Leave

2008-10-14T21:15:00.001-07:00

I had a pretty rough day of sleeping in, catching up on emails, having lunch with a girlfriend and making muffins. I made apple bran muffins and they are tasty but a bit crumbly. The top is slightly overcooked while the insides are a bit too soft. I'll have to remake them again and tweak a few things. I'm in a baking mood, but I keep reminding myself that my days of free for all pastry eating are numbered...

Aaron and I indulged in some chai tea tonight. This has got to be one of the most unflattering photos of me, but for the good of the blog I decided it should be documented. Also...check out the girth. This is probably the last photo you will see of me until I am un-pregnant and had a few weeks to lose the gallon of water weight I'm carrying around along with baby Jackson.
This is the one legitimate activity I participated in today. Lots and lots of laundry. I am caught up and all I need to do is put away one last load.

Our family is taking bets on when this baby will arrive and most of their predictions are for this weekend. Let's hope they are right! Friday is getting closer and closer!

Hunting 2008

2008-10-13T21:18:00.001-07:00

This is a short ode to my husband and his love for hunting. He went out for opening weekend on Saturday and Rem was a complete embarrassment. Apparently he either chased the other dog around or walked behind Aaron, not exactly what you want or hope for when you're looking for pheasants.

But...today Aaron went out again and Rem, knowing his days were probably numbered if he didn't pull it together, hunted well and they even got a bird. (You've got to love bankers hours, did anyone else get the day off for Columbus Day?)

Here is the proud puppy with his bird:

39 and a half weeks and no baby in sight

2008-10-13T21:02:00.000-07:00

We went to the doctor today and this baby apparently has no interest in having a birthday. I had high hopes of having the baby over the weekend so that my doctor would be available to deliver the baby, but nothing happened. I think that was what was so dissapointing...I know my due date is still a few days away and I could still go into labor at any time, but I had really hoped to have him on Saturday or Sunday.

I had a good cry about it on the way home from the appointment, and now I'm committed to the long haul. Worst case scenario, they will induce me a week from Thursday on Oct. 23. So, maybe he'll come sometime between now and then, but at least I have an end date in sight.

My husband keeps reminding me that no one is pregnant forever and even if we have to wait all the way until next week, I'm on the home stretch, and as much as I know that, it doesn't really make me feel any better. I do have to give him credit though, he was very very sweet to me. We went for a walk tonight and then splurged on some Ben and Jerry's frozen yogurt. Yum.

On a positive note, I have very pretty cherry red toenails. I figure its the least I could do for those that have to hold my legs! I guess I should also mention that day one of maternity leave was pretty awesome. I slept in a bit, had coffee with a girlfriend and just relaxed. I basically have the same agenda tomorrow. If I'm not going to be having a baby, hanging out and relaxing...not at work is not a bad way to spend your days.

There Are Many Great Things About October

2008-10-08T17:03:00.001-07:00

One great thing is that October is National Down Syndrome Awareness Month. My dear friend Libby, who blogs at Blessings and Glory, has committed to posting every day in the month of October to raise awareness about Down Syndrome.

Libby and Alex welcomed their second son, Charlie, into the world just over a year ago and have been walking a God filled journey as they have faced and celebrated Charlie's diagnosis. Libby has an incredible story to tell, and I am honored to point you to her blog.
___

In other great things related to October, it is officially fall in the great Yakima Valley. The trees are brilliant shades of yellow, red, oranges and amber. The sky is brilliant blue and Mt. Adams looks majestic rising above our barren hills.

Central Washington gets a bad rap for being ugly and dry and hot...which all those things can be true. It doesn't have the lush beauty of coastal Washington nor does it have the forested hills and mountains of Eastern Washington, but when you step back just a little bit, the acres of vineyard and apple orchards butted up against brown hills and pink sunsets make for a pretty stunning backdrop.

It would be appropriate for me to publish a picture right here...but unfortunately I'm blogging illegally from work and I don't have one to post.

I'm headed home to go for yet another walk. Last night Aaron and I walked the steep grassy terraces at the nearby park and I have every intention of doing it again tonight. Between dancing at the beer festival over the weekend and climbing hills at the park, I have been getting some pretty odd looks in the last few days.

But, can you blame me?

Progress Made

2008-10-07T21:42:00.000-07:00

We've got 1 centimeter friends!

I'm happy to report that all my efforts to make some progress actually paid off. I don't know if I really believe the walking and spicy food truly have an impact on the body starting labor, but let tell you, I've been on cloud nine all day. Not to say labor is imminent...but progress feels so good!

The unfortunate thing is I've started retaining water and my feet, hands and face are looking a little puffy. I'm pounding water and trying to keep my feet up, but I'm really hoping this baby decides to make an appearance sooner than later.

I keep asking Aaron if he wants to have a baby tonight, and even though I'm mostly joking and he just laughs at me every time I ask, he went out and installed the car seat. So, tomorrow when I'm driving to work, there will be a little seat to look at in my rear view mirror. That makes me really happy.

For those of you mamas out there, what is the one thing you couldn't live without at the hospital? I think I've got my bag and baby's bag pretty well packed, but I'm wondering if there's something I'm missing.

High Hopes

2008-10-06T08:34:00.000-07:00

I had such high hopes of having a baby this weekend. Granted, I knew it was a little early, but I did everything I could to induce labor. I went for a massage on Saturday morning, I ate Mexican food for lunch, I've faithfully been taking evening primrose oil supplements, I've been walking. I even spent a little time behind closed doors with the husband...nothing!

So what do you do when labor seems like a distant pipe dream, you can't sleep and everything hurts? I don't know...if you have any suggestions, please send them my way.

I did have a slight epiphany last night as Aaron and I were on our hundredth walk of the weekend; this could be one of the last walks he and I would take just the two of us for a really long time. These are the final days as a 'couple.' And as much as I want to savor these final days, the giant belly with it's protruding alien elbows and achy pelvis are keeping me slightly distracted.

I think what I'm trying to say is that I'm attempting to be patient, but I would really like to have this baby. I am so done being pregnant and so ready to meet this little man.

T-Minus 14 Days

2008-10-03T08:19:00.000-07:00

I feel like a whale. After making it through the sweltering summer months with no swelling to speak of, my feet decided they were done and swelled up about three sizes, two nights ago. No big deal, I said to myself, I'll just drink lots of water and put them up for the day...it's a good excuse to hang out on the couch, but none of my efforts helped.

This baby seems to be nice and comfy in my uterus. He rolls and kicks all day long letting me know he very much likes his tight little quarters. I keep telling him he would have so much more fun outside of the womb, but he's not buying my sales pitch. I'm going for a massage tomorrow and I continue to walk everyday, so hopefully we can get things going this week. I might even risk it and eat some spicy tacos tonight...I'll pay for it, but it might just be worth it.
__ __ __

In other blabbering, I would really like to hear what people thought about last night's VP debate. I thought it was more compelling than the presidential debate and I thought both candidates did surprisingly well. To be completely honest, I am still undecided. I lean republican but I have some reservations about the McCain Palin ticket. At the same time, I don't know that Obama and Biden are our answer. Aaron and I have been having some good debates (its hard to debate about the bailout plan with a commercial banker...not something I would recommend, unless you want a 10 year history on banking and mortgage products...)

Interestingly, for the first time in my life, I actually care about the campaign. I read the news everyday, hungry for more information about our candidates policies and plans. I want answers. It just seems like there's too much at stake not to be listening, learning and asking questions.

So tell me, if you feel comfortable, who are you voting for and why?

October Means Baby Month

2008-10-01T08:57:00.000-07:00

With the arrival of October 1st, the excitement and anticipation for the arrival of our baby is hanging thickly in the air. Back in February, May and even July, I wasn't totally convinced October would ever arrive. But, here it is with 85 degree weather, sunshine, red and gold leaves on a few trees and a mama with a gleam in her eye, waiting hopefully.

When my mom was visiting a few weeks ago, she was telling stories about raising me and one of her 'famous phrases' was telling me to wait hopefully. Basically, she was nicely telling me to be patient and probably be quiet. But, that term, waiting hopefully, has resonated with me and I keep mulling it over, rolling the words off my tongue as I try and digest why those two little words mean so much to me.

What does it mean to wait hopefully?

I feel like the final way I can honor this pregnancy and this incredible journey I've been on in the last nine months, is to wait hopefully. Not with fear and anxiety, but with confidence and hope.

I'm not by nature much of a risk taker. I frighten easily and worry often. But, I am slowly shedding those behaviors as I've found more and more confidence in my ability to care for this little life inside of me. And, I feel honored by the courage God has filled me up with. It has been an answer to prayer, and I know friends and family have been praying specifically for bravery and courage.

So, for the next 17 days I am waiting hopefully, shedding any last seeds of fear and trying to enjoy the rolls and kicks inside of me, because in such a short period of time, a new journey begins.

37 Weeks and a Finished Nursery

2008-09-28T20:52:00.001-07:00

The nursery, minus the rocker which has been ordered, is finished! Yes, that is his name above his crib on a ledge that could fall off and kill him, but I watched Aaron install it and feel confidant it will not fall until he's at least old enough to remember and hold it against us forever. If you don't like his name or have a super weird cousin named Jackson, please don't tell me. It took forever to commit to a name, so let's not rock the boat!

Two things I'm noticing about the photos, because of the angles they were taken at, neither the prints nor his name look like they are centered on the walls or above his crib, but I assure you they are! There are only a small handful of things I am type-A about, and straight hanging art/photos is one of them. I found the prints below on etsy.com and I absolutely love them. There is so much good stuff on etsy and if you haven't checked the site out...do it!
Aaron hung the blinds over the weekend and they do a pretty good job of blocking out the light. This room gets morning sun, so I suspect we will either have a very early riser or we will be blacking out his windows in aluminum foil before too long. The rug is from IKEA and it is so cute. The characters are a dog in a truck with a palm tree and a frog taking a bath.
And behold...the girth. It's no wonder the doctor is predicting an eight pound baby. Wow. Also, disregard the pensive expression, I'm not sure what's going on with my face in this photo. Only two and a half weeks to go. I'm getting alternately anxious about labor and overwhelmingly excited to welcome this boy into our life. Also...to not be pregnant anymore.

The Office

2008-09-25T19:47:00.000-07:00

T-minus an hour and fifteen minutes until the season premiere of The Office. It is my one 'program' I watch religiously and I can't wait for a full and uninterrupted season of goofy quirkiness!

Also, I've committed to walking every day until I deliver this baby. Three days down...what feels like an infinite number of days ahead. It's not so much that I don't want to go for a walk, it just doesn't feel like its helping and I am so ready to have this baby.

A real post coming soon and pictures of the finished nursery!

Leaking pipes and too much cake

2008-09-23T13:43:00.000-07:00

In one weekend, we hosted two sets of family, went out to eat at least four times, opened lots of amazing gifts, made a few returns, bought more stuff (that we probably don't need), cleaned out flower beds (I mostly watched/supervised), made an apple pie, shopped for a glider (still haven't found one...help!) and administered antibiotics to my dog, who once again has an ear infection.

But, the most notable events of the weekend was noticing a wet patch of ceiling in our basement and watching in horror as my husband cut a hole into our drywall to investigate. This wouldn't be the hugest deal, if it wasn't the third time in a year that we were dealing with leaking pipes/flooding/water saturated drywall. Thankfully, the water wasn't coming from any of the plumbing that was installed for the new bathroom. Instead, it was one of the old pipes that decided to start leaking. It saturated about two feet of our ceiling and once again we have gaping holes in our basement. This is one of the many reasons our house is always 'for sale.' People ask us how we could ever move now that our house is 'done,' and it's because as hard as we've worked on this house, something is always needing tweaking or fixing and it gets so frustrating.

I don't know why I'm complaining since it's Aaron who has to do the bulk of the work. But, I figure I can complain because I have to look at the hole and spend the money to fix it! Two steps forward and one giant step backward seems to be the story of our lives when it comes to this house. Oh well. I'm sure we'll get the hole patched up sometime in 2009!

Lucky for us, we had amazing chocolate cake from my baby shower to soothe our sorrows. Aaron and I cannot be left alone with chocolate, so after nearly devouring the entire cake in about two days, we had to give the rest to the neighbors.

One final thought for this already very disjointed post. I went to the doctor yesterday and was told they expect the baby to be at least 8 pounds and at this point, labor is a distant pipe dream. My body had no signs of labor and even my own doctor has started commenting on the size of my belly. I think that's more than enough reason to start going for a few more walks and to lay off the cake for the remainder of this pregnancy.

Braxton What?

2008-09-18T10:23:00.000-07:00

So, I've had a few "practice contractions" the last few days...I was just complaining to my equally as pregnant friend Nicole that I was concerned I wasn't having any braxton hicks contractions, which obviously means I will never have this baby and it will be Thanksgiving before he's born, when what do you know, the next morning, they started up.

(I'm getting a little dramatic in the late stages of pregnancy, oh wait, I've always been a little dramatic).

I threw an absolute fit that there was a fly in the living room last night. I couldn't stand the buzzing noise and loudly complained about it for several hours. Never mind the fact that I could have just gotten off the couch and killed it myself, but apparently that very rational thought didn't resonate in my brain until just now.

As excited as I am that I only have 29! days! left! The reality of having a baby, a real live human baby, who is not just ours but our responsibility...for the rest of our lives...seems to be hitting us off and on like a bag of bricks. Aaron is using his nervous energy to his advantage. In the last several weeks he has taken up jogging (or is it yogging?) and indoor soccer. He has dutifully gone down the list of ridiculous and tedious house projects I've requested and nearly completed his entire list without that much complaining. I, on the other hand, have used my nervous energy to frantically shop online for gliders (which by the way, why are they all so ugly and expensive?), wash baby clothes in non-Dreft detergent and complain loudly about my various discomforts. I'm a peach, truly.

So, that's what's been going on in my world, we're real exciting around here. Coming up this weekend, my mother comes to town for a baby shower...

A Weekend for the Girls

2008-09-15T08:24:00.001-07:00

Cate, Claire, Mary, Diana, Andrea and Jessi

The college roommates made a trip to Yakima this weekend to celebrate the impending birth of Baby McCoy. We had an absolute blast and it's always so refreshing to spend time with people who know you as well as family. We laughed a lot, passed around Cate's baby, hit fruit stands, lounged at Starbucks and went out to dinner.

As usual, there was much reminiscing about the year's we lived together. Three of us grew up together, two of us married best friends, two of us met on the first day of our freshman year of college and four of us got married within a year of each other. Two of us lived together all four years, two lived together for three years and we all lived together our senior year.

We've had really good times where there has been much celebrating, but we have also seen each other through break ups, family illness and tragedy, moves across the country and so much more. We led Young Life together, studied together and devoured pans of brownies. We hiked and camped, sat in coffee shops, stayed up late, borrowed each other's clothes and shared many many meals during the years we lived together. Sometimes we drive each other nuts, but only those you love and care for, truly make you the most crazy. Right?

So ladies, thank you for a fun weekend, fabulous gifts and loving on me and Baby McCoy. I'm so thankful to have you in my life!

Is it Summer or Fall?

2008-09-12T09:33:00.000-07:00

I know technically it's still summer, but I can't help feeling so excited that the first hints of fall are in the air. It is still warm and sunny during the day, but the evenings have a hint of crispness to them. A few of the trees in the neighborhood are tinged with reds, yellows and oranges.

I feel like I blew right through the summer. We never floated the river, played a round of golf, camped or even did any real hiking. We attempted to pick huckleberries (a pacific northwest must-do) but that didn't happen thanks to a bear sighting. I wouldn't have lasted too long anyway, but still...

I hate feeling like time has gotten away from me and I didn't take advantage of all the things I 'could have done.' One of my favorite bloggers, All & Sundry, wrote a really interesting post today. Linda basically said that having kids helped her realize how capable she really is and through that she is more motivated and excited to pursue hobbies and career goals. The context of her post is mostly about her career, but it touched a cord with me.

I am capable of so many things, but I often settle for 'good enough.' I tease Aaron that he is the perfectionist in our relationship, and while it's true, and I won't ever be a perfectionist, I wonder how much richer my life would feel if I pursued my hobbies, career and even more importantly, motherhood, with a bit more motivation and a little less procrastination.

I think that's why I love fall. Fall is an opportunity to slow down a little bit, catch the gorgeous colors falling from the trees and start over refreshed. I think that's my goal for the rest of 2008, to not only immerse myself in motherhood, but take a hard look at how I can make the most of my days, so that they include the things that I love. Even if it means a little hard work and sacrifice on my part.

That...and I'm excited for apple pies, cinnamon scented candles and pumpkins on door steps. Hopefully the warm days will continue to hold so that baby and I can take a few leisurely walks before it gets too cold.

Belly

2008-09-08T13:44:00.000-07:00

I can't think of any new clever titles for "belly shots." I was looking at photos from 9 and 16 weeks and I'm shocked at the changes my body has gone through. I think I've forgotten what it feels like to NOT be pregnant. I was telling Aaron last night that I can't wait to wear jeans that button and zip. I am so sick of elastic waist bands.

34 weeks

Aaron doesn't really like this picture because he has a funny smile, but I like it. This is at a family friend's wedding a couple of weeks ago. I think I was 32 weeks. That is a non-maternity wrap dress I found at TJ Maxx and let me tell you, that was definitely the last time it could be worn...it didn't wrap quite as much as it needed to.
We had our first birthing class last night. Our friends, who have almost the same due date as us, were in the class which made it really fun. Aaron, of course, was overly silly and didn't take it all that seriously, but I'm glad we did the class. I kept reminding myself, (as I was getting increasingly annoyed) that at least he was keeping me laughing, although I don't know that getting me to laugh will really be all that helpful when I'm actually in labor.

The instructor handed out a template for a birth plan. I'm eager to put my 'plan' on paper but it's intimidating at the same time because I don't want to be disappointed with myself or upset if the labor and birth don't go according to the plan I've put together. It's a hard line to walk; have the expectation for everything to go according to the 'plan' with the understanding that when it comes to labor and delivery, anything and everything could change in an instant.

My friend,Trish, who is a labor and delivery nurse said you basically have to go into labor with a decision made about if you are taking medicine or not. It's an all or nothing mindset from the beginning, because if you are riding the fence, it basically means you want medication.

As much as I'm glad I watched The Business of Being Born along with a few other birthing videos and done as much research as I have, my head is spinning with so much information. It all feels a little surreal and a bit scary. You have complete control and no control at all in the same moment.

On one hand, I want the epidural and anything else the doctors will offer to help make me confortable because I don't want to feel the pain, especially at the end. But...and the but is a big one...is what's best for the baby and what's best for me. Because, that's what it's all about -- a healthy baby and a healthy mama. If someone could tell me an epidural was the safest way to have a baby, I would never question it. But, the more research I do, the more nervous I get about all the medical interventions that take place in the hospital. It just makes sense to me to keep birth simple, our bodies have been doing it for millions of years.

My basic plan right now is to stay at home as long as I can manage and forgo any narcotic IV meds. We learned last night that they cross the placenta in minutes and impacts the baby. I'm still on the fence with the epidural thing...I truly don't think I have the stamina or will power to go without the epidural, but I would be really proud of myself if I could make it to 5 or 6 centimeters.

Anyway, enough of my rambling. Can you tell what's been on my mind lately?

34 weeks

2008-09-05T16:09:00.000-07:00

Let's do a quick run down of the pros and cons of being 34 weeks pregnant.

Pros:

Baby moves all over the place all the time. This makes your husband look at you in awe that you have a small alien-like heel/elbow protruding from your belly
Baby shopping...I fully admit to buying cheesy onesies that say obnoxious things like "giddy up little dude." Don't judge me.
Wild dreams. You name it, I dream about it, and its all a little bizarre and funny.
Knowing that our baby is a real live human who is going to join us in just! 42! days! (according to babycenter.com) I'm crossing my fingers and saying a lot of prayers that it's more like 32 to 36 days.
Knowing I only have a month left of work. I am so ready for a break from this place and even though its going to be a lot harder at home, just knowing I only have to deal with one or two dysfunctional crabby people (me, my husband and maybe my mother) is way more manageable than an entire office full of them.
Gleefully enjoying every snack, treat and dessert that comes my way. I used to be all about the ice cream, then it was s'mores and now its cookies...oatmeal chocolate chip cookies to be exact.

Cons:

Heartburn so bad you think you might be choking. It strikes at all times of the day after all kinds of foods. It's an equal opportunity offender.
Sore back from carrying nearly 25 pounds out in front me.
Did I mention I've gained almost 25 pounds? I can't believe I'm putting that on the Internet.
Kicks to the ribs that I swear are bruising me on the inside.
Clothing that is increasingly ill-fitting and uncomfortable.
Looking at the calendar and realizing that in six short weeks our lives are going to change forever.
Tieing my shoes, shaving my legs and unloading the dishwasher feels like an aerobic workout.
Anxiety. I've been pretty calm throughout this pregnancy but every once in a while, the fear of failing as a mother and a wife grips me so tightly, I feel like I can't breathe. I have been praying specifically for courage to face this next season in life.
Impending labor. It's going to hurt, it's not going to be fun and there is no way to avoid it.

More belly shots coming this weekend.

Bears, Beets...Battlestar Gallactica

2008-09-02T21:29:00.000-07:00

I didn't eat any beets over the weekend, but I did see a bear! We spent part of the long weekend in Chinook Pass with friends and as we headed back into town, we decided to pull off the road to look for some huckleberries. We weren't that far off the highway when about 50 yards away was a big old black bear running towards us! I don't think he ever saw us and he disappeared down a ravine, but it was so cool to see! How many times do you get to see a bear in 'real' life?

That pretty well ended any huckleberry picking we were planning to do...oh well, maybe next year.
__

I've watched the Business of Being Born twice in the last three days...it was so captivating the first time, I had to watch it again. I cried my eyes out each time I watched a baby being born. It's amazing to me what our bodies are capable of doing, I just can't get over the miracle that birth is. I know it will hit home even more once I actually go through the experience myself, but just to watch it on TV is amazing. I initially was hesitant about watching the video because I thought it was going to be a little wacky. I'm the girl that's said all along I wanted an epidural the second I go into labor. But, in the back of my mind, I've always known that even though I'm pro pain medication, I've wanted minimal interventions. I think that's why I was so uncomfortable with my doctor offering to induce me early. I'm still on the fence about the epidural but I have decided not to get induced unless I go really late.
__

Aaron and I are steadily working through our 'to-do' list. Aaron finished painting the moulding in the baby's room and painted the ceiling in our basement. We switched closets around and organized a lot of the baby stuff. I still have some organization projects to do and I need to start washing baby clothes. I can't get over that it's time to start washing baby clothes! This is getting more and more real every day.

I'm looking for a diaper bag and haven't found 'the one.' Again, I'm looking for advice or recommendations. I want a tote style and preferably with a fun color or pattern. I personally would like it to look more like a purse than a messenger style bag.

Absent

2008-08-29T21:42:00.000-07:00

My doctor let me know at my appointment she's leaving for vacation two days before my due date. As much as I understand I'm not her only patient and I certainly can't expect her to arrange her schedule around my needs, I'm disappointed.

For my first baby, I was really hoping and looking forward to having my doctor do the delivery. Obviously, I knew in the back of my mind that there was always the possibility that it wouldn't happen that way, but now that the confirmation is basically there, I'm bummed.

There is the chance that I'll have this baby a few days early, but I don't have my hopes up because neither my mom or mother-in-law had their babies early. Besides, I've always heard that first babies tend to be on the late side.

My doctor did offer to induce me a few days early, and while its certainly enticing, I'm not sure that's the wisest choice. I'm initially pretty hesitant to have any unnecessary interventions because I don't want to risk a c-section. Not to say that a little pitocin means you are going to have a c-section, but the whole thing makes me nervous.

At the same time, it makes me really nervous to have a doctor I've never met deliver my son. I know it has so much more to do with the nurses than the doctor, but it bothers me. So...I guess I have to weigh my options: get induced a few days early and have my doctor do the delivery or wait for my body to start labor on its own and have Dr. Mystery do the delivery. The one catch to my latter option is that something could still happen and I would end up with a c-section regardless and then I would really be sad...to be overdue, needing a c-section and have it performed by mystery doctor.

I would very much like to hear people's birth stories and any advice or thoughts on the subject...

To The One I Love

2008-08-26T20:36:00.000-07:00

Today is our three year wedding anniversary. Three years of loving and living together. Three years of deepening love. Three years of being challenged in ways I didn't think possible. I feel lucky to have had these three years and I hope it's three times thirty more.

I love you because God, in His perfect plan for our lives, chose for us to be together.
I love you because you love Jesus and you show me how to love Him more.
I love you because you are kind and generous.
I love you because you challenge me everyday.
I love you because you are you and I can't imagine sharing my life with anyone other than you.

Aaron and I met five years ago this month at a Young Life camp in Oregon called Wildhorse Canyon. We worked side by side in the kitchen, cutting watermelon, refilling cereal carafes and flirting way more than we should have. When the month was up, we left for our separate lives, Bellingham and Western for me, Spokane and Eastern for him. But, thanks to some match maker friends, we talked on the phone and by the time Christmas break rolled around, we decided to meet up. We went out to dinner, played pool and needless to say, sparks flew just as they had in the kitchen at Wildhorse. Basically from that night on, we were together.

So...enough with the mush, lets look at some pictures. The following are a few photos that give some insight into my sweet husband, and a handful of my favorite pictures from the last couple of years. These photos capture his love for the outdoors but I need a few pictures of him washing his cars, talking on his cell phone, dressed up in his gorgeous suits and drinking wine, because the man is a bit bi-polar in his interests.

Snowshoeing in Chinook Pass

Hiking in Arches National Park, Moab, Utah

This photo says so much about his personality:
all redneck all the timeFly fishing in Glacier National Park
Shooting at the cabin
Hanging with Rem at the beach
My favorite photo of us, Valentines Day 2008, Kauai

Riding the chairlift at Park City after some major hiking...
this was a super fun day!
House projects galore...you never quit

Generosity

2008-08-25T08:31:00.000-07:00

I am overwhelmed by the generosity of my family and friends. Our basement is literally covered in baby gifts; everything from the swing and bouncer to the pack n' play, stroller and high chair. We have towels, washcloths, bibs and clothes. Our 4runner was so loaded down driving home yesterday that we literally could not see out of our back window. We had stuff piled all the way to the ceiling and up to the front seats.

I have been sitting here for ten minutes trying to come up with the words to describe how thankful I am, not just for the gifts, but for the outpouring of love and support they showed Aaron and I this weekend. It really hit home to me how much our family and friends are looking forward to this baby, just as much as we are. They are thinking and praying for him daily, which means more to me than any gift or cute outfit.

A Small Step Forward

2008-08-22T09:17:00.000-07:00

The bedding arrived and I love it! I think the richer colors work well with the chocolate brown walls. Now I just need to find some fun pictures to put on the walls. Aaron has been painting the base boards which have been on our 'to do' list since we put them in nearly two years ago. Lucky me, its a little too hard to bend over or sit on the hardwood floors for too long, so I got out of the project.

I have my first baby shower this weekend which I am super excited about. I was telling a co-worker this morning that its a little surreal to be going to a baby shower for myself, because only people who are about to have babies get showers. It's a little crazy that I qualify for a baby shower!

I also ordered our car seat this week. We decided on the Graco SnugRide Platinum. One of my girlfriends called this week to make sure I wasn't 'freaking out,' after she read my last post. I don't feel anxious or scared about the baby, I just feel more focused and determined to get my house and life organized before he makes an entrance. So many of the things on my list are projects or things I've wanted to get accomplished for months and just haven't gotten around to it.

Which leads me to my last point. I am a procrastinator. And lately, I am really bothered by this part of my personality. Timeliness and organization are also not necessarily my strong suits and I really want to shed some of my bad habits. So, if you have any tricks or advice on how to procrastinate less and organize more...please send me your recommendations.

Nesting

2008-08-17T12:01:00.000-07:00

I'm in nesting mode. I have a mile long list of house projects for my husband to complete and every time I look in a drawer or closet around my house, I just want to scream because everything is so cluttered and disorganized.

I'm not the most organized person anyway but as the baby items stack up in the nursery, I feel more and more overwhelmed at where I'm going to put everything. We have an old house meaning we run a little thin on storage space.

So on the list of to-do's is move my closet out of the nursery and into our bedroom, move Aaron's closet down to his office. Touch up paint throughout the house including painting our linen closet because it still smells musty and gross after two years of living here. We also have to finish the nursery and reorganize some drawers in the kitchen to accommodate bottles, bibs and miscellaneous baby stuff. I also want to get our carpets cleaned and buy a new rug for our living room. We will see how much my ambition matches up with our bank account!

The other part of 'nesting' is that I am obsessively researching everything from gliders to breast pumps to c-section recovery. (Not that I will even need a c-section...) I'm currently looking for some good recommendations on a glider/rocker and sling or other baby carrier (I have a Bjorn but I'm wondering if I will want something else). If you have a recommendation, email or leave me a comment.

Growing

2008-08-12T15:21:00.000-07:00

I'm 30 weeks pregnant...almost 31 weeks. And I feel like all of a sudden, everything is changing. I need to be ready for this baby. There is research to do and books to read. His nursery needs to be finished, the house needs to be deep cleaned, the carpets shampooed and bottles, diaper cream and pacifiers all need to be purchased.

Even more than the things I need to buy, I want to slow down a little and be really present these last few weeks. I want to remember feeling him move in my stomach and the awe on my husband's face when he sees an elbow or a bum protruding from my skin. I want to spend quality time with Aaron, relishing our last few weeks as a two person family, but I hope part of that time is thinking and dreaming about our little boy.

Anne Lamott, my favorite author and how this blog got a name, writes in her book Traveling Mercies that the two prayers she prays the most often is 'help me, help me, help me!' and 'thank you, thank you, thank you!' I don't think I could sum up my thoughts any better. My mind swings wildly from overflowing thanksgiving for the life I've been given and the blessings that continue to pour out daily and an overwhelming sense of panic and dread that I will be a terrible mother, or something bad is going to happen or that I won't be able to handle the responsibility of caring for an infant much less raising a child.

It's incredible how as my belly grows so does my heart. I can't wait to meet this boy face to face. We have so many adventures ahead...

On a nursery note, I am returning all that bedding. I ordered some really cute blue, green and brown striped bedding from Pottery Barn Kids. Aaron thought the bumper looked purple and I thought it was too light against the dark walls, so hopefully the third time is the charm on the crib bedding. I think my husband is going to freak if I buy any more bumpers.

3 Hour Glucose Test

2008-08-07T12:03:00.001-07:00

When my doctor's nurse called two weeks ago to let me know my test results from the one hour glucose test came back too high, I freaked out. Not because I was worried about my health or the health of the baby...no, I was freaking out that I would have to take the three hour test which requires fasting.

Let me back up a little, anyone who knows me, even just a little bit, knows I am not keen on missing a meal and I will do anything to avoid throwing up. You might even consider my aversion to vomit a full on phobia. I avoid public restrooms, I Lysol my house and anyone in it if I hear of illness and I break into a cold sweat listening to coughing or gagging. It's ridiculous, but I've literally been this way all my life. Thankfully, baby spit up doesn't bother me, so hopefully, that will desensitize me for the real thing.

Anyway, the reason I didn't want to do the 3 hour test was because you have to fast (which is not fun, especially pregnant) and then drink 100 grams of glucola, which tastes like flat fanta, and then sit around the hospital lab for 3+ hours and get your blood drawn every hour on the hour. My doctor, for shits and giggles, throws in a blood draw at 30 minutes post drink, so I actually had 5 blood draws. My arms are hideously black and blue today.

So, after cancelling the test twice, desperately trying to talk my doctor into letting me take the one hour again and basically whining to anyone and everyone who would listen to me, I bit the bullet and took the test yesterday. And surprise surprise, my drama was all for nothing. The test wasn't exactly how I would want to spend the morning, but it didn't make sick like I was told it would and other than having some sore arms and a bit of a head ache yesterday afternoon, I felt fine.

I showed up right at 8am after rolling out of bed all of 15-20 minutes earlier. I got my blood drawn, waited while it was tested, drank my glucola, which thankfully kind of filled me up for a bit and then sat reading People Magazine and talking on the phone. I was able to drink water the whole time and I only got light headed and a little nauseated right at the end and that was just because I was starving! Aaron took me out for lunch afterwards and as soon as I had filled up on chicken tacos, I was as good as new.

When I talked with the nurse this morning, she said two of my readings came back borderline which means I do not have gestational diabetes but it may mean I need to follow a stricter diet. I'll be interested to hear what my doctor has to say.

I've decided that I'm not going to fill my girlfriend's minds with pregnancy/labor/motherhood horror stories. I was terrified to be pregnant because of all the bad stuff you hear but as each new milestone comes and goes, it has been easier, happier and more fun than I could have ever predicted. I think 90 percent of us have decently easy pregnancies and we need to talk about it! Its obviously important that we are honest about our experiences, but at the same time, I'm committed to less drama. I'm here to say pregnancy and all the crap that goes along with it isn't that bad! If anything its more inconvenient than anything else.

That's my soap box for today. Coming up...belly pictures and a finished bathroom. Also, a new washer and dryer that I have been tempted to caress lovingly and give a little kiss.

When You Can't Think of What to Blog About, Make a List

2008-07-14T11:30:00.000-07:00

A Few of My Favorite Things Right Now:

Feeling Baby move. There is something so comforting about feeling the baby move. It’s this awesome little reminder that all is well. Feeling the baby move has made me so much more attached to him than I would have ever predicted.

The fact that our house is almost finished. The bathroom that has been in process for several week/months is on the home stretch. The plumbing, electrical and walls are finished. The floor has been tiled and the shower is almost done. The washer and dryer have been ordered and should arrive any day. We are so close! This is the final major project on the house and it feels so good to be almost done. I love our house and I have loved watching it take shape but I am anxious to sit back and enjoy it!

The husband. He is not only handsome as all get out, but he has been incredibly sweet to me throughout this pregnancy, constantly telling me how cute I look and offering to carry bags, move my car, get me a glass of water ect. The icing on the cake is that he goes to work all day (thankfully he loves his new job) and then comes home and does house projects, not because he has to, but because he likes to. Sometimes I get annoyed at how consumed he gets with the house, but then I remember how lucky I am to have a partner who is such a hard worker.

The nursery. I bought a bumper, crib sheet and crib skirt yesterday and it was so fun to put it all together last night. The bedding is kind of pieced together and it’s not necessarily my dream concept for the room, but it’s a beautiful blue color and incredibly soft…so I’m not going to obsess. I figure it’s a great opportunity to do something fun on the walls and with a rug.

Cherries, homemade waffles, turkey sandwiches, peaches, ice cream sandwiches and Mexican food. I wouldn’t call these my cravings, but these are the staples of my diet. If I could figure out a way to convince Aaron to eat burritos and waffles exclusively for the next three months, I would be a very happy woman. He apparently likes variety, which I’m not to into that right now.

A Short List of Not So Favorite Things:

Heartburn. I get it from anything, even leaning over or burping has been known to get it going. Yuck. I would cut out the spicy food, but toast has brought it on as often as salsa.

Back pain. My back hurts. A lot. Enough said.

Tiredness. I can’t call it fatigue, but holy crap am I tired. Anybody who says they had so much energy while pregnant is a big fat liar.

Work. It’s not as bad as it was, but I’m ridiculously busy and feeling like I’m doing all this work that reaps so few results. I need a team of people to help me and that’s not in the cards, so I just show up every morning dreading what they day will bring. Three months until maternity leave…when apparently the really hard work starts!

A backed up tub drain. We have bad juju in our upstairs bathroom and the latest issue is a clogged tub drain. No amount of drano, expensive organic orange scented “drano,” snaking, plunging or just plain old screaming and swearing at the drain gets the clog moving. Note to anyone visiting in the near future: expect ankle deep water while taking a shower. Sorry about that.

Checking In

2008-07-07T21:57:00.000-07:00

I might be the worst blogger ever...
I think the issue is that I don't have time to blog during the work day and by the time the evening rolls around my brain is on empty.
Anyway, here are a few pictures of what we did over the weekend:

Willows Lodge

25 weeks...yikes, to say I've gone through a 'growth spurt' would be an understatement A little wine tasting...just a sip for me!

Babies Having Babies

2008-06-17T21:54:00.000-07:00

No this isn't a rant on teenage pregnancy or sex education in our school systems, although for the first time in over 20 years teen pregnancy is on the rise, I don't feel so good about that.

What this post is really about is puppies! Rem's babies were born about a month ago and I went over last night to take pictures of them. They are adorable! My parents are taking a male so I had to send pictures of their new baby!

If we weren't having a baby this fall I would absolutely be taking one of the puppies home. I think it's probably best if I stay away from golden retriever puppies.

The Shaping of a Nursery

2008-06-09T21:49:00.000-07:00

We had a fabulous weekend in Walla Walla. We ate, tasted wine (mostly Aaron but I'll be honest, I had a few sips), got dressed up and danced the night away at our friend's wedding. I'm sad we didn't take any pictures because by the time I have an opportunity to dress up again, the cute pregnant stage will be long gone.

Anyway, as we were driving back we stopped in the Tri-Cities at a really cute shop called Ella Bella. I spotted the most gorgeous crib and dresser and the best part was...they were on sale! I love a good sale, and I wasn't about to pass this one up. Thankfully, right as Aaron was about to pitch a fit (about spending money) our friends who were driving back from the wedding as well, showed up and talked a little sense into my husband. I love peer pressure!

Here is the crib!

The dresser that can be flipped over and becomes a regular dresser

Somebody is feeling a little jealous of the baby

Color scheme I am considering

21 weeks 3 days...this belly is growing at incredible speeds these days. I used to wear this shirt to work out in, now its fitted!

It's a Baby?

2008-06-03T21:42:00.000-07:00

We had the official ultrasound today, and we were in for a pretty big shock! Its a BOY!! The ultrasound tech asked us how attached we were to having a girl, and both of us just kind of stared blankly at her. Finally she said, because its not a girl, its definitely a boy.

And let me tell you, he wasn't shy about showing us his goods. Aaron thinks he hasn't appreciated being called a girl for the last three weeks so he to make sure we had multiple chances to see who he truly is.

Speaking of Aaron, he definitely got a little choked up hearing he was having a boy. I was laughing like an awkward weirdo and Aaron was trying to hold back the tears; we were quite the pair. As much as both of us were open and excited to have either, we are both so happy to be having a boy. As I overhear Aaron talking on the phone with friends or family, he refers to the baby has 'his son.' There is nothing sweeter to my ears.

At the same time, I think I'm still in a little bit of shock. I really thought it was a girl and after our quick ultrasound at the last appointment, I was ready to start shopping for striped tights and hair ribbons.

I am truly ecstatic to be having a son. I just keep rolling that idea around in my brain, I'm going to be the mother of a son. I have a son!

Banana Bread

2008-05-29T21:07:00.000-07:00

Banana bread is one of my favorite comfort foods and since its so easy to make, I probably enjoy it a little too often. I'm super picky about bananas and will only eat them when they are slightly over-ripe but before they start turning brown. Since I regularly miss my window to eat them, I justify it by making lots of banana bread.

I've used at least a half dozen recipes before falling on this one from Everyday Food:

12 tablespoons butter, room temperature
2 cups all purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 1/2 cups sugar
3 large eggs
3 cups mashed very ripe bananas ( I usually use 4-5 bananas and its great)
1 cup chopped toasted walnuts (optional)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Butter 9 by 5 by 3 inch loaf pan, set aside. In a medium bowl, whisk together four, baking powder, salt and baking soda.

With a mixer, beat butter and sugar in a large bowl until light and fluffy. Add eggs one at a time, beating after each addition. With mixer on low, alternately add flour mixture in three parts and banana in two parts (beginning and ending with flour mixture -- this is important!) Mix just until combined. Stir in the walnuts, if desired with a spatula.

Spoon batter into prepared pan, and smooth top. Bake until a toothpick inserted in center comes out with only a few moist crumbs attached. Bake for 60 to 70 minutes. Let cool 10 minutes in pan, then turn out of pan, and let cool completely on wire rack.

Kicking

2008-05-28T19:33:00.000-07:00

So, the baby is kicking...all the time. I guess I should clarify that when I say kicking, I really mean more of a fluttering or bubbly feeling. But, it's very cool and it makes everything feel more real.

I feel like I constantly write about how its just "now" that I'm attached or happy to be pregnant. I really have been excited and happy since I saw the double lines show up, but for me its been such a process of acceptance and belief that it's real. I AM GOING TO BE A MOTHER, HOW CRAZY IS THAT! And, at the same time it feels like the most natural thing in the entire world.

Now that I have undeniable proof in the form of ultrasounds, an ever growing belly and now the flutters, my sense of connection and attachment to this little life has increased ten fold. I find myself being way more careful and worried now than I have been thus far. Today, I drank about half a can of diet coke and afterwards the baby was going crazy kicking and I felt so guilty for hyping her up on caffeine.

I truly can't imagine not being pregnant or not looking forward to October. This child has become so ingrained into my life, my emotions and even my sense of self already. The weird thing is I think as much as my husband is looking forward to the baby, he is a month or two behind me in mentally and emotionally preparing for the birth of our baby. Its not that he isn't supportive or encouraging, I think its just he has a hard time identifying because its not actually happening to him.

I am so excited for next Tuesday when we get the final confirmation on our little girl. It will also be really great to have the measurements and hopefully the confirmation that all is well with her.

This blog isn't meant to be all baby all the time. Tomorrow I'll post my recipe for amazing banana bread...with pictures!

A Picture Post

2008-05-25T14:59:00.000-07:00

Since blogging in itself is sort of narcissistic, why not go all the way and post a bunch of pictures of myself? And in true blogging fashion, what would a post be without a blurry picture? First up, a little self portrait at 19 weeks 2 days.

After getting totally frustrated at all my blurry pictures, I just went downstairs and had Aaron take a picture of me.
Oh yeah...I got five inches of my hair cut off! What do you think? Here it is tucked...
And untucked...Also, its a little tour of my house. the blue room is the upstairs bathroom, and this photo is the living room. I've gotten really spoiled with my Nikon d40. The battery was totally dead so I had to whip out my little cannon point and shoot and let me tell you, the Nikon is so much better. I love that camera. I was initially really intimidated by its size and all the options, but nine times out of ten, I use it on the automatic setting and my photos turn out great.

The above photo is my totally hot husband working on our downstairs bathroom/laundry room. I told him I was going to label this photo as "man does construction in the nude." But to be fair, he did have pants on.

A Catch All

2008-05-21T09:32:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I haven't posted in over a month. Yikes. All is well with baby and the belly is growing like crazy. When I hit 17 weeks the pudge turned to belly and its been growing by the day since then. It continues to blow my mind that I'm nearly half way through this process. I will post some updated pictures shortly.

We had a mini-ultrasound at our appointment last week and the doctor is "guessing" girl. She wouldn't guarantee it because she couldn't actually see between babies legs. The fact that there were no boy parts is reason enough for me to start buying some pink! We have our official ultrasound in a week and a half where we will get final confirmation.

It was so unbelievable to first of all see how much our baby has grown since 9 weeks and then to see it swimming and dancing around was incredible. I am feeling more and more attached to her now that I am showing and we have a pretty good idea that its a girl. I find myself rubbing my belly or doodling her name when I'm bored at work.

I wish I had the right words to explain the way your mind and heart morph and change as you go through a pregnancy. I know for some women, its an instant connection as soon as they see two lines on the pregnancy test, but for me it was so different. We weren't really expecting to pregnant when we did, and although we knew it was a possibility, it was still a huge shock. In the beginning this pregnancy was all about me...my symptoms, my emotions, my body. But, little by little me heart has warmed to this little child and already I can't imagine my life without her...or in the off chance him. Now its not so much about my body and my needs as it is about watching a life grow and anticipating the addition to our family. My heart really is so full of love for this little thing and I hope she is growing and happy and content in her mama's belly.

In other news, we have started our last home improvement project...putting a bathroom in our basement. Aaron has installed the plumbing for a new sink, toilet and shower and he'll begin the electrical this weekend. Its so awesome being married to someone so handy, the only downside is that it becomes all consuming for him, so I basically won't see him for the next two months until its finished.

Here are a few random pictures from the last couple of weeks:

Aaron at our Redneck Barbecue manning the barbecue.
His parents and I teamed up to give him the barbecue for this birthday.

Also: his shirt says I've tried polygamy. (polygamy porter -- the beer) Klassy

The second picture is of one of the iris's my mom gave me last year. She dug them up from her dad's house 20+ years ago and has had then planted at every house she's lived at. It is really special for me that she gave some of them to me and they grew!!! I didn't kill them!

The final picture is a piece of fabric I'm considering for my girls bedding. What do you think?

A Few Firsts

2008-04-18T08:15:00.000-07:00

We heard the heartbeat for the first time on Wednesday. In the moment, it didn't really hit me that it was our baby's actual heartbeat beating away but as the day went on, the reality of it became more and more real. Its unbelievable to me that in 14 weeks, this little life can grow inside of me so strong and resilient already. As dumb as this sounds, hearing the heartbeat made me realize I have a baby/human/little person growing in me versus being pregnant.

For those first few weeks, I sort of equated being pregnant with the flu or a cold. It just didn't feel real. But gradually, in the last few weeks, as my body has begun to change a little and the early symptoms have lessened, the excitement of whats to come has started to feel real. Hearing that heartbeat truly made me fall in love with this little person and I can't believe I have months before I get to meet them.

I also had my first baby dream! I dreamt that I gave birth to a baby girl who we hadn't named yet and because I had an epidural I couldn't remember my labor at all. So, after we got home from the hospital, I asked Aaron what actually happened. He told me that I threw up in his hands, pooped on the table and screamed for three straight hours. When I told Aaron about the dream, he started cracking up, saying that's pretty much what he has prepared himself for at this point. I guess that makes two of us!

On a side note, did anyone watch the Office last night? I know the strike this year kind of messed up story lines due to the long break, but I'm kind of sad they are racing through Pam and Jim's romance and taking them straight to an engagement by the end of the season. (Sorry if that was a big tiem spoiler to anyone who didn't watch last night...) It would have been fun to see them just be together for a bit...have a first fight, say 'I love you,' do a few more pranks on Dwight. I do know the show isn't real, as my husband constantly reminds me, but I can't help it...I love it!

Happy Friday, we are off to see the in-laws and Baby Claire this weekend!

Look...I'm Growing

2008-04-15T15:06:00.000-07:00

I haven't been that good about taking weekly belly shots. I took a few at 9ish weeks and then I took another few yesterday morning (13 weeks 3 days). The truth is, my stomach has always been the area on my body, I'm the most self conscious of. Thank goodness there is a baby in there or this process would be way more painful.

There are many good things about being 13 weeks pregnant. The top reason being that I feel better! As in, I can actually wake up when my alarm goes off, not gag at the smell of coffee, make it through the work day without crying better! I'm not really nauseous anymore, but my gag reflex is still ridiculously sensitive. The oddest thing so far is the fact that I can't go near anything terryaki. I think its an odd thing to hate so much seeing as just a few weeks ago, I loved all things rice, vegetable and terryaki. Typing those words just gave me that gaggy feeling at the back of my throat. My poor husband has taken over as sole dog-poop scooper and kitchen garbage taker-outer because if I even attempt either job, I end up dry-heaving.

The other cool thing about 13 weeks is that my stomach is starting to go from chubby looking to an actual pregnant belly. My pants do not button anymore but they still fit everywhere else, so I have started wearing the bella band. The bella band is awesome and comfy but takes some getting used to because on me it rides up a little which can get annoying.

We go to the doctor tomorrow to hear the heartbeat. I can't wait. All my friends with kids said that was a really special moment in their pregnancy and made it feel much more real. Here's the belly, the bigger it gets the more likely the shirt is going to have to be pulled down, because nobody (including myself) wants to see stretch marks. The first picture is at 9 weeks 4 days I think and then the other two are 13 weeks 3 days. Please excuse the dirty mirrors...apparently the other side effect of pregnancy is the inability to clean your house. Also excuse the extremly flat ass...it's genetic.

As a side note, the brown room I'm standing in is the future nursery. I'm taking suggestions for fabric colors/themes/general ideas.

Communication or Lack There Of

2008-04-10T16:36:00.000-07:00

I work in public relations. I have a degree in journalism. Words and talking are my thing. So it would be easy to assume that I know how to communicate. That assumption would be wrong.

I stepped on toes today and embarrassed myself. I would love to blame it on pregnancy and raging hormones or the fact that I work with difficult people, but I think I'm recognizing that maybe I'm that difficult person at work. I can be bossy and opinionated and downright sassy and not in a good way. It's not an easy pill to swallow.

My blog is named Traveling Mercies after my favorite book, Traveling Mercies by Ann Lamott. The book is her journey to becoming a Christian and it's full of funny, poignant and humble stories of people gently loving on her in the midst of all her crap, until she realized that she needed more in life than just herself. The book changed my life in that it provided really authentic examples of how to treat and love people. I want to offer laughter and kinship and kindness to everyone I come in contact with. There is a vibrancy to the book that readers grab and want to hold on to.

I've got some learning to do and reevaluating my motivations. Its time to breathe some traveling mercies into my heart and out into the world around me.

PG13

2008-04-06T19:33:00.000-07:00

It was a little embarrassing. It was also very funny. It was mostly shocking that I could say something so raunchy without one drop of wine in my system and without blinking an eye.

Last night we hosted a party for our friends who are getting married next weekend and as the evening winded down and the bottles of wine rapidly disappeared, a small group of us were left chatting. For whatever reason my husband proudly announced he was currently going commando. (which...gross) The conversation quickly turns to the merits of different types of under ware and my friend, the soon to be bride, mentions that she went through a "commando phase."

We all continue to debate about the level of comfort and so on when I loudly proclaim, "I have no problem with the ass, its the front I have an issue with!"

The room goes quiet for a second while everyone digests my comment and I stare innocently wondering why the conversation has stopped. Then...the laughter starts and I am beat red and I don't think its going to be something I live down for a while.

I blame it on "pregnancy brain," but I think its more of an issue of just not thinking before I speak...

Babies Everywhere

2008-04-04T11:46:00.000-07:00

Our dear friends had their baby this morning! Baby Cohen arrived at 10:04am at a bouncing 7 pounds 3 ounces. I, of course being the hormonal pregnant gal that I am, cried when I saw the text message picture come through.

Now, I'm just watching the clock until 5pm when I can get out of work and go to the hospital. I visited early this morning before I went into work and it was so nice to witness a calm birthing experience. Not that I have seen any other babies being born, but its easy to kind of freak out about how labor and delivery is going to go. My friend wasn't quite ready to push, but she had her epidural and was happy and ready to bring that baby into the world. Her husband and mom and sister were there too, encouraging her and cracking jokes. It was awesome.

In pregnancy news related to me, I hit the 12 week mark today, and I am really hoping all these 1st trimester symptoms are going to fade away soon. I've noticed that the more tired I get, the more pronounced the morning sickness, headaches and crankiness are. I officially grew out of a pair of my jeans yesterday. I wore them to work as a last ditch effort to get one more use out of them, but by the time 3pm rolled around, I was dieing!!! So, those are going away until probably sometime in 2009. It makes me really sad to think I won't be wearing my regular clothes for a long long time. Oh well, bring on the maternity clothes!

I have been so spoiled. My mom, mother-in-law and friends have either bought, lent or given me some adorable clothes! I am super excited to wear it all. I'm in that funky spot where I don't look pregnant at all (except at night) but my pants are getting tight and my tops just don't hang as nicely. I need some transition clothes for the next couple of weeks...I might have to do some shopping this weekend!

I better get back to work and appear like I'm actually useful around here...

So I kind of already told the story

2008-03-31T11:05:00.000-07:00

So Aaron and I had been batting around the rhetorical question of kids for a few months. It was never a question of if...more when. Friends all around us announced they were pregnant over the last year but none of it fazed us. "We have all the time in the world...lets make some more money...we want to travel...the house isn't finished," we would say.

And then, Aaron's cousin got pregnant and for some reason that changed everything. Our kid would have a cousin! And just like that the conversation turned from "sometime in the summer or next year" to "lets just give it a shot, it'll probably take a few months." It most definitely did not take a few months and basically one month of lazyish birth control has resulted in an 11 week old little baby growing in my belly. Did you know that at 11 weeks, the babies hands and feet are fully formed and their teeth buds are forming? Crazy.

Oh right, I'm supposed to write about how we found out. So, if you know basic anatomy, you know that one of the first indicators of pregnancy is a missed period. So, the night before we are leaving for Hawaii, I was bemoaning the fact that my period was a day late and it was going to ruin my vacation. When I mentioned this to Aaron, he immediately wanted me to take a test. Since it was 7pm and we didn't even have one at the house, I told him his request was ridiculous and that regardless it would come out negative. Apparently for his peace of mind, he wanted me to take one anyway. So, off to Target we went. As I locked him out of the bathroom so I could do my thing in private, I had a moment to silently freak out. Could it seriously be positive?

I didn't have to wait long. Two seconds later, we got a big fat positive sign. I let Aaron in and we both just stood there staring at it, laughing like idiots. I don't think it was truly hitting either of us. There was some hugging and kissing, but mostly it was just us, standing their laughing and looking at that positive sign. I guess you could say nothing has been the same since.

It took a few solid weeks to come off the shock and to be honest it still doesn't feel completely real. I'm so thankful we headed off to Hawaii for a week and had time to process it just the two of us. Now that it has all started to sink in, I/we couldn't be more excited. We're thinking names and planning for the future. It's crazy, in just a few short weeks I've truly forgotten all the reasons we were putting off kids. This baby feels like perfect timing.

You Know You Are a Novice Blogger When...

2008-03-28T13:03:00.000-07:00

1. You forget to take a picture of the shocked look on your husbands face when you take a pregnancy test on a whim the night before you leave for Hawaii and it comes out positive.

2. You forget to take a picture of the shocked/happy looks on the faces of your in-laws when your husband hands them a box with a card and a picture of your first ultrasound in it announcing they are going to be grandparents for the very first time.

So...the happy news is, I'm pregnant! I just don't have any photographic evidence so far. (I could post a picture of my jeans being held together with a rubber band...but I'm not sure anyone wants to see that.

I've been nauseous without vomiting. I've gotten dangerously close a few times but for the most part its just a low-grade constant feeling of yuck. I'm ridiculously tired but even that ebbs and flows every day. Today, I could fall asleep while typing this. The boobs are sore of course and the bloating is unreal...but considering how I could be feeling, I count myself very lucky.

I think that's why the blog has been a little neglected the last month or so because really, all I've wanted to write about is this huge thing going on inside my body and head, but I didn't want to say anything until I went to the doctor and we told our families.

Coming up this weekend, the roundabout way we found out we were pregnant and what a shocker it was!

My Baby's All Grown Up

2008-03-17T09:21:00.000-07:00

My baby is no longer a baby. Rem officially became a man last night. We intentionally did not get Rem neutered as a puppy because we wanted the option of "marrying" him off and making him a daddy. But in true Aaron and Andrea fashion, we totally delayed in sending his registration to the AKC and basically forgot about studding him out.

Fast forward to Friday night, as we were walking Rem in our neighborhood, this sweet women whips her mini-van over to the side of the road and casually calls out to us, "is your dog neutered?" Wow. That's the way to get a conversation started. Come to find out, her friends neighbor is looking for a male golden, and because this woman wants a puppy, she was on the hunt to help find the "right dog."

On Sunday, the gal who actually owns the female golden calls us to meet and see Rem. The meeting goes well and before we know it the dogs are playing and getting frisky.

The really awkward part of the whole thing is when they got stuck together. You basically just have to wait 10-15 minutes for the dogs to become un-stuck but you have to stand around holding their collars so they don't pull away from each other and cause any damage. It wouldn't have been that bad if it had just been us holding the dogs, but we were trying to make polite conversation with this woman we don't know at all. I wasn't very helpful, because I'm not nearly mature enough to handle a situation like that, so Aaron had to do all the talking. I just stood around giggling like a little girl.

As Rem was laying at my feet this morning while I blew dry my hair, I just couldn't help but feel like he's no longer my baby anymore. He's a real live grown up dog.

To Haircut or Not to Haircut

2008-03-13T15:09:00.000-07:00

I have a love/hate thing with my hair. I like it because its dark brown and I don't have to dye or highlight it. It has good texture and medium thickness...not too much that I can't handle it but not too thin that its hard to style.

But, I hate it because I'm never happy with the haircut. It's never the right length, the layers never lay just right and I always feel like my hair makes me look younger than my nearly 26 years. (I have a really annoying habit of of referring to myself in the age that I will be, mostly because I've always been the youngest in my group of friends and I want to appear cool. It might be time to let that habit go.)

Anyway, back to the hair, I need a style that is easy and manageable and that doesn't make my already round face take on an even more moon shape. It took so long for it to grow out that I'm hesitant to chop it all off but at the same time maybe its time.

Here are a few pictures of my current hairstyle, I'm open for ideas.

This is my current cut. This cut was supposed to be modeled after Reese Witherspoon but the bangs are too short and the layers are off. Overall I don't hate this cut, but I don't love it.

Sorry the picture is kind of small, but this is a similar style but my bangs are longer and pushed to the side. Ask anyone who has known me for a while and they will tell you about my signature pushed to the side bangs. I have had some variation of this hairstyle/bangs my whole life.

Okay, last picture. This is just an up close look at the old bangs. They are thick, long and parted way to the side. Also: kind of a funny expression on my face, but you get the picture.

A Friday Catch All

2008-03-07T12:43:00.000-08:00

So here's the thing, I'm constantly thinking about potential blog posts and things I'd like to write and share about...but somehow the day flies by and all the sudden I'm watching Lost trying to think about when the last time I posted was. Which, as a side note, is Lost not the most confusing, frustrating but all consuming show on television right now? I can't quit it.

I think I'm going to do the 7 random things about me. Hopefully this will get me all jazzed up for blogging again!

1. I will not eat raw tomatoes for any reason. YUCK! But...put those raw tomatoes in salsa, pasta sauce, ketchup or grilled in a cheese sandwich and I'm game.

2. I love all things chocolate but don't really like candy.

3. I love to listen to the same song over and over again. My college roommates were always teasing me about my music. I would find some random song that would match my mood and then look out, that sucker was on repeat for days. Some of my all-time favorites include Ryan Adams, Dave Matthews Band, Fiona Apple, Ben Harper, Jack Johnson, Black Eyed Peas and O.A.R. I also had a big time obsession with Howie Day.

4. I can read a book in a day. Obviously, that doesn't sound impressive if we are talking children's books, but I'm referring to 300-500 page novels. A book will suck me in and I won't stop until its done. I'm noticing a theme of slightly obsessive behavior...hmmm

5. I call my dog Baby Boy, Bubba, Stinky, Remi and Rem. I rarely call him by his real name, which is Remington. I'm sure I will do this with my future children and they will love it!

6. I make a lot of jokes about how nonathletic and uncoordinated I am, mostly because I just really hate to lose. I'm actually not that bad of an athlete in general...if anything it's more of an eye/hand coordination issue.

7. I will only wash my face with Origins Checks and Balances face wash. There is nothing better for my skin and I love it. I've been using it for about 4 years and its amazing. I've probably gotten at least ten people to switch over to it.

Okay...now its your turn! Tell me 7 random things about you.

Hawaii Dreaming

2008-02-26T09:21:00.000-08:00

Here are a few of my favorite pictures from the trip:

Anahola Beach, our first morning:

Princeville Hotel:

My view every day:

Valentines Day:

Gorgeous flowers that I don't know the name of:

Anini Beach:

Overlooking Poi Fields, North Shore:

Cool Church, North Shore:

Lighthouse:

Kauai Dreaming

2008-02-21T14:51:00.000-08:00

Hawaii was fantastic. The weather was perfect, the cottage was quaint and comfortable, the scenery was to die for and the company was even better. It was truly a vacation of a lifetime. Aaron and I had the perfect combination of activities and relaxation. For every hour of hiking, sight seeing, driving in the jeep and exploring was matched with an hour of reading, napping, walking on beaches and frolicking in the ocean.

We basically spent each morning hiking or exploring and then spent the afternoons on various beaches sunning, snorkeling and watching whales. Aaron couldn't get enough snorkeling but there's something about it that kind of scares me. Not scary as in I don't want to do it, more just sort of spooky. Being under the water with all those fish just kind of ooks me out and I really didn't want to get stung by anything. Lucky for me...I didn't.

One of the best moments from the trip was our first morning there. Since Washignton is two hours ahead, we were wide awake at 6am. We watched the sun rise over the ocean from our bedroom window and then went down to the beach and walked in the sand. The sun and clouds were so beautiful and no one else was out there at the point. Very fun and romantic!

I also basically spent the entire vacation drinking my weight in smoothies. The fresh fruit smoothies were so good and I became thoroughly obcessed with mango, papaya and coconut smoothies.

Here is my favorite picture from the trip, we were headed to dinner on Valentines Day and jumped out of the jeep for a quick photo op...isn't he just delicious?

Dried Up Inspiration

2008-02-06T16:17:00.000-08:00

My title might be a little dramatic but I have seriously lost all motivation for cooking in the last couple of weeks. I haven't cooked a legitimate dinner in weeks, I'm talking scraping together some chicken and rice here and there and a whole lot of scrambled eggs. For those that know me well, expecially my husband, know how much I love to cook. I'm constantly getting in "trouble" for overspending at the grocery store and loading up on non-essential items.

We are going to dinner at some friend's house tonight and I'm supposed to bring dessert...easy enough, except I can't think of anything to make. I could do something simple like chocolate chip cookies but I don't want to! Usually I have mental lists going of items I want to make and have scraps of paper all over my hosue with jotted down recipes. I even let my cooking light subscription lapse and I haven't logged on at Smitten Kitchen in weeks.

I think part of my problem is that I've been trying to stick to the basics when it comes to grocery shopping. When I looked at our bank statements from this fall and winter and saw how much money was going towards food, I almost died.

So, if anyone has tips or tricks to offer on how to save money at the grocery store or yummy recipes I should try, send them my way. I could really use a little inspiration.

Also -- 3 days until Hawaii. I have been obcessively checking the weather forcast and so far its supposed to be 80 degrees and sunny!