Absent

My doctor let me know at my appointment she's leaving for vacation two days before my due date. As much as I understand I'm not her only patient and I certainly can't expect her to arrange her schedule around my needs, I'm disappointed.

For my first baby, I was really hoping and looking forward to having my doctor do the delivery. Obviously, I knew in the back of my mind that there was always the possibility that it wouldn't happen that way, but now that the confirmation is basically there, I'm bummed.

There is the chance that I'll have this baby a few days early, but I don't have my hopes up because neither my mom or mother-in-law had their babies early. Besides, I've always heard that first babies tend to be on the late side.

My doctor did offer to induce me a few days early, and while its certainly enticing, I'm not sure that's the wisest choice. I'm initially pretty hesitant to have any unnecessary interventions because I don't want to risk a c-section. Not to say that a little pitocin means you are going to have a c-section, but the whole thing makes me nervous.

At the same time, it makes me really nervous to have a doctor I've never met deliver my son. I know it has so much more to do with the nurses than the doctor, but it bothers me. So...I guess I have to weigh my options: get induced a few days early and have my doctor do the delivery or wait for my body to start labor on its own and have Dr. Mystery do the delivery. The one catch to my latter option is that something could still happen and I would end up with a c-section regardless and then I would really be sad...to be overdue, needing a c-section and have it performed by mystery doctor.

I would very much like to hear people's birth stories and any advice or thoughts on the subject...

To The One I Love

Today is our three year wedding anniversary. Three years of loving and living together. Three years of deepening love. Three years of being challenged in ways I didn't think possible. I feel lucky to have had these three years and I hope it's three times thirty more.

I love you because God, in His perfect plan for our lives, chose for us to be together.
I love you because you love Jesus and you show me how to love Him more.
I love you because you are kind and generous.
I love you because you challenge me everyday.
I love you because you are you and I can't imagine sharing my life with anyone other than you.

Aaron and I met five years ago this month at a Young Life camp in Oregon called Wildhorse Canyon. We worked side by side in the kitchen, cutting watermelon, refilling cereal carafes and flirting way more than we should have. When the month was up, we left for our separate lives, Bellingham and Western for me, Spokane and Eastern for him. But, thanks to some match maker friends, we talked on the phone and by the time Christmas break rolled around, we decided to meet up. We went out to dinner, played pool and needless to say, sparks flew just as they had in the kitchen at Wildhorse. Basically from that night on, we were together.

So...enough with the mush, lets look at some pictures. The following are a few photos that give some insight into my sweet husband, and a handful of my favorite pictures from the last couple of years. These photos capture his love for the outdoors but I need a few pictures of him washing his cars, talking on his cell phone, dressed up in his gorgeous suits and drinking wine, because the man is a bit bi-polar in his interests.

Snowshoeing in Chinook Pass

Hiking in Arches National Park, Moab, Utah

This photo says so much about his personality:
all redneck all the timeFly fishing in Glacier National Park
Shooting at the cabin
Hanging with Rem at the beach
My favorite photo of us, Valentines Day 2008, Kauai

Riding the chairlift at Park City after some major hiking...
this was a super fun day!
House projects galore...you never quit

Generosity

I am overwhelmed by the generosity of my family and friends. Our basement is literally covered in baby gifts; everything from the swing and bouncer to the pack n' play, stroller and high chair. We have towels, washcloths, bibs and clothes. Our 4runner was so loaded down driving home yesterday that we literally could not see out of our back window. We had stuff piled all the way to the ceiling and up to the front seats.

I have been sitting here for ten minutes trying to come up with the words to describe how thankful I am, not just for the gifts, but for the outpouring of love and support they showed Aaron and I this weekend. It really hit home to me how much our family and friends are looking forward to this baby, just as much as we are. They are thinking and praying for him daily, which means more to me than any gift or cute outfit.

A Small Step Forward

The bedding arrived and I love it! I think the richer colors work well with the chocolate brown walls. Now I just need to find some fun pictures to put on the walls. Aaron has been painting the base boards which have been on our 'to do' list since we put them in nearly two years ago. Lucky me, its a little too hard to bend over or sit on the hardwood floors for too long, so I got out of the project.

I have my first baby shower this weekend which I am super excited about. I was telling a co-worker this morning that its a little surreal to be going to a baby shower for myself, because only people who are about to have babies get showers. It's a little crazy that I qualify for a baby shower!

I also ordered our car seat this week. We decided on the Graco SnugRide Platinum. One of my girlfriends called this week to make sure I wasn't 'freaking out,' after she read my last post. I don't feel anxious or scared about the baby, I just feel more focused and determined to get my house and life organized before he makes an entrance. So many of the things on my list are projects or things I've wanted to get accomplished for months and just haven't gotten around to it.

Which leads me to my last point. I am a procrastinator. And lately, I am really bothered by this part of my personality. Timeliness and organization are also not necessarily my strong suits and I really want to shed some of my bad habits. So, if you have any tricks or advice on how to procrastinate less and organize more...please send me your recommendations.

Nesting

I'm in nesting mode. I have a mile long list of house projects for my husband to complete and every time I look in a drawer or closet around my house, I just want to scream because everything is so cluttered and disorganized.

I'm not the most organized person anyway but as the baby items stack up in the nursery, I feel more and more overwhelmed at where I'm going to put everything. We have an old house meaning we run a little thin on storage space.

So on the list of to-do's is move my closet out of the nursery and into our bedroom, move Aaron's closet down to his office. Touch up paint throughout the house including painting our linen closet because it still smells musty and gross after two years of living here. We also have to finish the nursery and reorganize some drawers in the kitchen to accommodate bottles, bibs and miscellaneous baby stuff. I also want to get our carpets cleaned and buy a new rug for our living room. We will see how much my ambition matches up with our bank account!

The other part of 'nesting' is that I am obsessively researching everything from gliders to breast pumps to c-section recovery. (Not that I will even need a c-section...) I'm currently looking for some good recommendations on a glider/rocker and sling or other baby carrier (I have a Bjorn but I'm wondering if I will want something else). If you have a recommendation, email or leave me a comment.

Growing

I'm 30 weeks pregnant...almost 31 weeks. And I feel like all of a sudden, everything is changing. I need to be ready for this baby. There is research to do and books to read. His nursery needs to be finished, the house needs to be deep cleaned, the carpets shampooed and bottles, diaper cream and pacifiers all need to be purchased.

Even more than the things I need to buy, I want to slow down a little and be really present these last few weeks. I want to remember feeling him move in my stomach and the awe on my husband's face when he sees an elbow or a bum protruding from my skin. I want to spend quality time with Aaron, relishing our last few weeks as a two person family, but I hope part of that time is thinking and dreaming about our little boy.

Anne Lamott, my favorite author and how this blog got a name, writes in her book Traveling Mercies that the two prayers she prays the most often is 'help me, help me, help me!' and 'thank you, thank you, thank you!' I don't think I could sum up my thoughts any better. My mind swings wildly from overflowing thanksgiving for the life I've been given and the blessings that continue to pour out daily and an overwhelming sense of panic and dread that I will be a terrible mother, or something bad is going to happen or that I won't be able to handle the responsibility of caring for an infant much less raising a child.

It's incredible how as my belly grows so does my heart. I can't wait to meet this boy face to face. We have so many adventures ahead...

On a nursery note, I am returning all that bedding. I ordered some really cute blue, green and brown striped bedding from Pottery Barn Kids. Aaron thought the bumper looked purple and I thought it was too light against the dark walls, so hopefully the third time is the charm on the crib bedding. I think my husband is going to freak if I buy any more bumpers.

3 Hour Glucose Test

When my doctor's nurse called two weeks ago to let me know my test results from the one hour glucose test came back too high, I freaked out. Not because I was worried about my health or the health of the baby...no, I was freaking out that I would have to take the three hour test which requires fasting.

Let me back up a little, anyone who knows me, even just a little bit, knows I am not keen on missing a meal and I will do anything to avoid throwing up. You might even consider my aversion to vomit a full on phobia. I avoid public restrooms, I Lysol my house and anyone in it if I hear of illness and I break into a cold sweat listening to coughing or gagging. It's ridiculous, but I've literally been this way all my life. Thankfully, baby spit up doesn't bother me, so hopefully, that will desensitize me for the real thing.

Anyway, the reason I didn't want to do the 3 hour test was because you have to fast (which is not fun, especially pregnant) and then drink 100 grams of glucola, which tastes like flat fanta, and then sit around the hospital lab for 3+ hours and get your blood drawn every hour on the hour. My doctor, for shits and giggles, throws in a blood draw at 30 minutes post drink, so I actually had 5 blood draws. My arms are hideously black and blue today.

So, after cancelling the test twice, desperately trying to talk my doctor into letting me take the one hour again and basically whining to anyone and everyone who would listen to me, I bit the bullet and took the test yesterday. And surprise surprise, my drama was all for nothing. The test wasn't exactly how I would want to spend the morning, but it didn't make sick like I was told it would and other than having some sore arms and a bit of a head ache yesterday afternoon, I felt fine.

I showed up right at 8am after rolling out of bed all of 15-20 minutes earlier. I got my blood drawn, waited while it was tested, drank my glucola, which thankfully kind of filled me up for a bit and then sat reading People Magazine and talking on the phone. I was able to drink water the whole time and I only got light headed and a little nauseated right at the end and that was just because I was starving! Aaron took me out for lunch afterwards and as soon as I had filled up on chicken tacos, I was as good as new.

When I talked with the nurse this morning, she said two of my readings came back borderline which means I do not have gestational diabetes but it may mean I need to follow a stricter diet. I'll be interested to hear what my doctor has to say.

I've decided that I'm not going to fill my girlfriend's minds with pregnancy/labor/motherhood horror stories. I was terrified to be pregnant because of all the bad stuff you hear but as each new milestone comes and goes, it has been easier, happier and more fun than I could have ever predicted. I think 90 percent of us have decently easy pregnancies and we need to talk about it! Its obviously important that we are honest about our experiences, but at the same time, I'm committed to less drama. I'm here to say pregnancy and all the crap that goes along with it isn't that bad! If anything its more inconvenient than anything else.

That's my soap box for today. Coming up...belly pictures and a finished bathroom. Also, a new washer and dryer that I have been tempted to caress lovingly and give a little kiss.