Thursday, February 26, 2009
(Did you know one sign of dehydration in an infant is dry mouth?) This little illness put me on high alert. I don't like seeing my boy sick.
Anyway, we're off for four days of skiing, eating, drinking and playing...and maybe a little shopping. It's snowing in Utah right now and I'm hoping to avoid taking another spill like a I did a few weeks ago. I was up until midnight finishing up work projects so I could leave without worrying. It feels good to actually have gotten everything done.
We've been playing around with the idea of moving for several months. We have a great house but the layout isn't very conducive for a mobile baby and we have really limited storage space. Well, two nights ago a guy got stabbed at the park down the street from us. We have one rental house on our block and of course it is currently housing drug dealers. Apparently some deal went bad.
Finding a new house just got moved back up the priority list! I wanted to go for a walk with the boy yesterday afternoon, but I'm still a little spooked. It's not likely I would get robbed and stabbed, but just the fact that it happened so close to my house really frightens me. Who knew we lived in the ghetto?
Jack says...I want a new house...and maybe a new pair of pajamas...
Monday, February 23, 2009
As usual I have lots to talk about but little inspiration to get it on the blog. I have a sick baby and lots of work to do. It's 10:18pm and my brain is shot. The countdown to our upcoming ski vacation is in full swing.
How about a few quick bullet points:
- I made Aaron chocolate cake with chocolate frosting from scratch for Valentines day. It was divine.
- We made an impromptu trip to Spokane over the weekend when we heard all of Aaron's siblings would be in town. We had a great time seeing everyone but didn't get to see one of his brothers.
- Unfortunately, Jack was stricken with mystery diarrhea which is still plaguing him. (hence no phone calls to my sweet spokane girls...I didn't want to risk infecting your little ones). It's bizarre, he is eating and playing normally, but on Sunday we panicked when we found blood in his diaper. We're having tests run, but no news yet.
- I walked four days last week and did 30 Day Shred twice, I'm back in the game. And I'm sore.
- One of my freelance clients should slow down in March which hopefully means more blogging and less complaining.
- Sleep training starts a week from today when we get back from vacation. I'm scared.
I'm off to bed...my brain is fried.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Aaron and I had been dating about two months (long distance). My best friend Cate and I drove from Bellingham to Spokane so our boyfriends (also best friends) could take us on a surprise date. as a side note, Aaron and I introduced our friends Chad and Cate to each other, they hit if off, got married several months before us and now have a beautiful daughter named Claire. Also...Cate and I have a bit of a track record of dating best friends; we did the same thing in high school!
Anyway, back to my story. The day started with a beautiful delivery of fire and ice roses (my favorite!) and a sweet card. I was very smitten with Aaron but as a senior in college I didn't think I wanted anything 'too serious' and the fact that we were dating long distance, I didn't have much hope it would work out. Besides, he had long hair and wanted to be a Youth Leader when he graduated college and that didn't exactly go hand in hand with my plans.
The date consisted of snowshoeing, dinner out and then the four of us met up to stay at Chad's lake cabin for the night. Snow shoeing was a blast, dinner was fantastic, but it started to go down hill on the drive to the lake cabin.
Throughout the day, Aaron would make casual remarks about our future, they were sweet and innocent but the pressure was building. Like I mentioned before, as much as I adored him, I was completely pessimistic about it working out long-term. So, after an entire day of "someday we should..." or "lets do x,y,z someday," I was starting to panic.
Like the flip of a switch I turned into an ice princess. Cold shoulder, one word answers and the silent treatment frazzled my sweet boyfriend and baffled our friends. Finally, after a few hours of this, Aaron got me to start talking. As I rambled about how I just couldn't picture the future and we were just supposed to be 'having fun, nothing serious;' I realized how ridiculous I sounded.
I knew I wanted 'someday' with him. Who cares if we live 6 hours apart, we would make it work. Something triggered in my heart that night and a relaxed confidence settled into both of our hearts and I never freaked out over the future again. Thankfully Aaron forgave my drama and we went back to having fun with our friends.
A few months later I graduated from Western and moved to Spokane. Six months later we were engaged. Before we would actually get married, Aaron would be transferred to little old Yakima and we would do another 5 months of long distance.
We were so young when we met each other (heck, we're still really young) but I'm so glad life unfolded the way it did. It's amazing to look back and see all the little moments that lead up to right now. I couldn't have dreamed up a better present. This year, I have an extra special Valentine, who is currently napping in his crib. Can I get a hallelujah?
Wishing you chocolates and over priced flowers tomorrow! (And take my advice, don't turn into an ice princess on Valentines day...it ruins the mood).
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
*My husband is very cute and I love him for many reasons, one of which is when we woke up this morning to dog diarrhea all over our basement, he cleaned it up and let me continue snuggling the baby. Even my nasty carpet can't ruin my renewed spirit.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
At the top of the list is my work situation. I have two major freelance clients. One requires that I spend about 8 hours in the office and another 8 to 10 hours at home. The other client doesn't require anything, they just send me work as they need it done. They promise to be consistent but it rarely is. Right now, it's really busy and the two clients combined are tricky to juggle. Days like today where I am up at 6am, working in the office, rushing home, feeding the baby and then praying he'll take a nap so I can work some more, in a word: blow.
I'm grateful for the work. Really I am. But, I miss my baby, I hate being so busy and I feel like neither of the projects are getting the attention they deserve. I promised myself when I had Jack that I would slow down and commit to doing less, but here I am in the same place I've been my whole life...over committed.
Please don't get me wrong, I know how lucky I am to not have to work full-time, but honestly, the challenge for me is that the work feels never ending. If I'm not taking care of the baby or cleaning up the house, I need to be working. Which means less time to spend with my husband and child, and no time for myself.
Here is what is so challenging for me, one of the clients is nice and steady. It's not the most exciting work I've ever done, but I can count on the paycheck. The other client provides work that I really enjoy, is very flexible and I can practically do it with my eyes closed, but it's not consistent.
Which leads me to my next conundrum, we are too busy. But when faced with a free day, both of us complain of boredom. We have work, baby, lots of social and work obligations, Aaron sits on several committees and we are in a bible study at our church. Throw in visits from out of town family, a dog and taking care of a house and there is barely enough time to eat a meal or catch a few hours of sleep.
And sleep, that's probably my biggest concern. Jack doesn't nap. He needs a more rigorous schedule and I know it, but each day is different around here. I can't decide if I need to hunker down and sleep train for the next few weeks or if it's okay that he typically only sleeps for 45 minutes at a time during the day. Night time sleep is going pretty well with just one middle of the night feeding...but this napping thing has me stumped. Littered all over my night stand is Baby Wise, Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child and Your Baby's First Year, all of them with different things to say.
I'm frustrated. I feel disconnected, stressed, frazzled and a little bit like I'm failing. I think what bugs me the most is I've done this to myself over and over again. Eventually I will have to make a choice about my clients and that's going to suck. Eventually I will back away from some of the commitments I've made and feelings will be hurt.
I know a lot of this will work itself out eventually. But, it's hard to wait. It's easier to worry and fuss.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
1. Tomatoes always look so good to me but I hate the way they taste. However, I do like tomato products such as salsa, ketchup and marinara sauce.
2. I don't color my hair, but since being pregnant I've started plucking grey hairs. My time is coming.
3. I never thought I would love motherhood as much as I do.
4. I also never thought motherhood would be so consistently challenging.
5. I think I could be a decent athlete if I put my mind to it.
6. I played the viola for 7 years. I was an orchestra nerd in middle school.
7. I was 5'4" in 6th grade. I was all gangly legs and arms and neck. I looked like a marshmallow with twigs.
8. I make really good scones.
9. I hate taking out the garbage and unloading the dishwasher.
10. My passport was stolen in Guatemala in college. I have yet to replace it.
11. I got married in a museum.
12. My husband is my best friend. I feel very lucky to be able to say that.
13. I never thought the day would come I could call Yakima home...but it did and I do.
14. Aaron and I gutted and remodeled our house ourselves. New kitchen, bathrooms, every room has been painted, a newly finished basement with french doors, a slated fireplace and lots of landscaping. I love all the work we've done but I would never want to take on a project of that scale again.
15. I love to read. I often will read a novel in one sitting. If I have a lot to do, I'll read the book over the course of two or three days.
16. I am terrible about returning phone calls. Horrible.
17. Repetitive noises drive me crazy.
18. I have a true phobia of throw up. There was a time in my life when I wouldn't use public restrooms because I was afraid someone might be in there puking. I'm slowly getting over it. Having my son puke on me everyday helps.
19. Priest Lake holds very dear and happy memories for me.
20. If I find a song I really like, I will listen to it over and over again. It used to drive my roommates crazy. It currently drives my husband crazy.
21. I can't start my day without a cup of coffee. I literally feel sick if I try and skip it.
22. I procrastinate. Hence, I am writing a list of 25 things about me instead of working. Not good.
23. My eyes are blue but most people think they are brown. I don't know why.
24. I've never broken a bone.
25. I can't finish this list without mentioning Rem, our golden retriever, who will forever be our first born. He is afraid of laundry baskets, loud noises and the vacuum. He loves tennis balls, leftovers, hunting and going for walks. He is the best.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
That was until we met up with a buddy of Aaron's in the cafeteria when we were grabbing some lunch. After rubbing the hurt out of my feet, swigging my last sip of beer (liquid courage) and bundling back up, we headed out.
Needless to say, we found some more challenging runs.
I took a tumble. A big one.
I don't like moguls but the run we were taking had them so I didn't have a choice in avoiding them. I've skied moguls hundreds of times in the 20 years I've been skiing, but I've never felt confidant enough so I usually just avoid them. I don't know if I just wigged myself out of what but I hesitated about a third of the way down the slope, as I went to slow down, I caught an edge and found myself tumbling down the hill.
I literally fell the rest of the way down the run, mostly backwards, landing with a thud on the cat track. Aaron thinks I fell about 200 feet if that creates a visual. I wish we could have gotten it on film because I know I could have won some money with all the screaming and flailing. I think the worst part was I kept trying to grab at the snow to slow myself down yet could not stop.
I laid on the ground for a second trying to decide if I was dead or not. After realizing I was fine, I gingerly stood up, put my skis back on (thanks to my husband who so nicely retrieved them) and skied down the rest of the run.
I'm pretty sore today in my neck and shoulders but I don't even have a bruise to show for it. Aaron and I have been laughing about it non stop, but in the back of my mind, I keep thinking how thankful I am to be telling this story from the warmth of my own home and not a hospital bed.
We decided I had some angels cushioning that fall.
So, next time, a few less moguls and a few more blue square runs. I'm becoming more and more of a fair weather skier, and after yesterday, I think I'm okay with it. (Maybe I'm just getting old?)