I'm 30 weeks pregnant...almost 31 weeks. And I feel like all of a sudden, everything is changing. I need to be ready for this baby. There is research to do and books to read. His nursery needs to be finished, the house needs to be deep cleaned, the carpets shampooed and bottles, diaper cream and pacifiers all need to be purchased.
Even more than the things I need to buy, I want to slow down a little and be really present these last few weeks. I want to remember feeling him move in my stomach and the awe on my husband's face when he sees an elbow or a bum protruding from my skin. I want to spend quality time with Aaron, relishing our last few weeks as a two person family, but I hope part of that time is thinking and dreaming about our little boy.
Anne Lamott, my favorite author and how this blog got a name, writes in her book Traveling Mercies that the two prayers she prays the most often is 'help me, help me, help me!' and 'thank you, thank you, thank you!' I don't think I could sum up my thoughts any better. My mind swings wildly from overflowing thanksgiving for the life I've been given and the blessings that continue to pour out daily and an overwhelming sense of panic and dread that I will be a terrible mother, or something bad is going to happen or that I won't be able to handle the responsibility of caring for an infant much less raising a child.
It's incredible how as my belly grows so does my heart. I can't wait to meet this boy face to face. We have so many adventures ahead...
On a nursery note, I am returning all that bedding. I ordered some really cute blue, green and brown striped bedding from Pottery Barn Kids. Aaron thought the bumper looked purple and I thought it was too light against the dark walls, so hopefully the third time is the charm on the crib bedding. I think my husband is going to freak if I buy any more bumpers.