Wednesday, March 18, 2009


Couldn't you just eat him? I think I'll dip him in chocolate and have him for dinner. I need to scan some pictures of Aaron as a baby because more and more Jack is starting to resemble him. (I think it's in their facial expressions more than anything).

They certainly share one clear character trait and that is stubbornness. And it makes me laugh because I can't believe that just shy of 5-months, this kid has a stronger will than I do.

I thought before I became a mother that children were 90 percent nurture and 10 percent nature. Not so. I think best case scenario it's 50/50.

Take for example that my child is perfectly capable of rolling over from his tummy to his back and vice versa. When he's on his tummy, he pushes himself up on his arms and even rocks to the side but once he feels the pull of gravity he pulls himself back to his stomach. Or, when he's on his back, he can roll up onto his side and reach for toys but he refuses to actually roll all the way over. And of course, now I have something new to obsess over. Doesn't the universe know I'm still busy obsessing over a bunch of other stuff? (Which by the way, it looks like his tummy issues have resolved themselves for the most part...yea!)

I realize that I'm putting all these expectations on Jack's behavior that are completely inappropriate. He'll roll when he wants to and it's no big deal when he does it. But for me, who internalizes and stews on everything, it's hard not to have a reason and then a solution to this 'problem.' I like to fix anything that seems broken, whether it's a relationship, a work issue or a baby who doesn't want to roll over. Anne Lamott writes in Traveling Mercies that there are really only two prayers, Help me, Help me, Help me and Thank you Thank you Thank you.

I feel like I'm praying a lot of 'help me' right now. Help me not be such a stress case, help me not put so much pressure on my child already, help me be the kind of mom who can relax and enjoy the moment, help me not miss out on the joy that he is because I'm too busy worrying...the list goes on and on.

So, now that I've written out all my help me's, I'll finish this blog post with a few thank you's. Thank you for a boy who laughs and shrieks and talks all day long, thank you for sunshine and warmish weather, thank you for big blue eyes, for tulips on the verge of blooming, thank you for a husband who loves our son, good friends and the reminder that it's not my world to try and control.

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