CHANGE WITH ME

Spring is here. Time for a Change:

www.anewdayrises.wordpress.com

New look, new name...same neurosis.

Please change your links, bookmarks, ect.

Looking forward to catching up with you over at my new place.

Sleepy

We are 'sleep training' Jack right now.

I use the term loosely because I think it's more us being 'trained' than him. It's funny, before I had a kid I thought I was an expert on child-rearing. I just figured if you were firm but fair and followed through, your kid would do what you wanted. Oh how naive I was. I may only be five months into this parenting gig but my world has been blown away with what I've learned about babies and their opinions.

My child has opinions; lot's of them.

Anyway, back to the sleep training. Basically, Jack is large and in charge at nearly 20 pounds, and there are a couple of nearly 1-year-olds we know who weigh about the same and sleep consistently through the night. So, I don't think it's a nutritional need in the middle of the night, if anything, it's habit. He wakes up at the same time every night no matter what time he goes to bed.

The hard thing about getting him to drop his middle of the night feed is that he isn't a baby that can be soothed with rocking or snuggling especially when he is mostly asleep anyway. When we go into him it seems to wake him up more and then it really pisses him off when no boob is offered.

So, we just lay in bed, gripping the blankets, trying to keep ourselves out of his room while he works it out. Not fun. Granted it's almost never more than 10 minutes, but at 1am, ten minutes kind of feels like an eternity.

Last night he slept until 6am with no crying. Hopefully I didn't just jinx myself by talking about it on the Internet.

Abs of Mush

I went jogging yesterday.

I'm sore today.

I only ran one mile...

Please don't judge me.

I walked an additional three miles plus the one I ran.

I still only jogged one mile.

My abs are sore.

My quads are sore.

Too bad it's cruddy weather or I would attempt it again...

Every Day is New

In the last 10 days Jack has started rice cereal, found his feet, rolled over and sits unsupported.for short amounts of time...and that's just what I can think of off the top of my head.

He's also really found his voice and his happy shrieks and babbling can be heard anywhere in the house.


I'm really enjoying this stage of babyhood. He loves to play on the floor exploring his toys and putting everything in his mouth.



Jack seems to have gained a bit of independence in the last couple of weeks as well. He is happy to play with his toys or sit in his booster seat or johnny jumper while I get things done around the house. He loves tags, so any of his toys that have a tag enthral him. He will diligently work until he can get the tag in his mouth.

The nonstop travel and busyness don't seem to have an end in sight but that's okay because it's all good stuff. Lots of family coming and going which we love.

I had a bad stomach flu last week and I think along with my insides the last of my brains seeped out with it. I have no energy for blogging or writing in general...

So, if I'm hit and miss the next few days, you'll know why!

We've Been Busy

We spent the weekend at White Pass with the same great friends who went to Utah with us.

We snuggled by the fire, read books, played with the kidlets, and ate way too many cookies. Libby has a good excuse to eat cookies...me not so much!

At one point on Friday, Libby and I looked at each other over the top of our books and asked if the other wanted to venture outside...you know, just to be able to say we left the condo that day...we decided against it and settled on making tea and eating more cookies. (On a side note, it is so awesome to have a fellow book nerdy friend! Love it!)

The guys skied a bunch, but the moms decided icy slushy snow just wasn't our thing. I was on deadline this week, so the weekend coming early was a blessing. I got my work done and didn't have to worry.

Amy snapped this cute photo of us, I love that Jack looks like he has no neck (or body), just a floating head. I didn't exactly pack appropriately for him, so we had to get a little creative in keeping him bundled up.

Hope your weekend was as relaxing and restful as ours was!

Edible

Couldn't you just eat him? I think I'll dip him in chocolate and have him for dinner. I need to scan some pictures of Aaron as a baby because more and more Jack is starting to resemble him. (I think it's in their facial expressions more than anything).

They certainly share one clear character trait and that is stubbornness. And it makes me laugh because I can't believe that just shy of 5-months, this kid has a stronger will than I do.

I thought before I became a mother that children were 90 percent nurture and 10 percent nature. Not so. I think best case scenario it's 50/50.

Take for example that my child is perfectly capable of rolling over from his tummy to his back and vice versa. When he's on his tummy, he pushes himself up on his arms and even rocks to the side but once he feels the pull of gravity he pulls himself back to his stomach. Or, when he's on his back, he can roll up onto his side and reach for toys but he refuses to actually roll all the way over. And of course, now I have something new to obsess over. Doesn't the universe know I'm still busy obsessing over a bunch of other stuff? (Which by the way, it looks like his tummy issues have resolved themselves for the most part...yea!)


I realize that I'm putting all these expectations on Jack's behavior that are completely inappropriate. He'll roll when he wants to and it's no big deal when he does it. But for me, who internalizes and stews on everything, it's hard not to have a reason and then a solution to this 'problem.' I like to fix anything that seems broken, whether it's a relationship, a work issue or a baby who doesn't want to roll over. Anne Lamott writes in Traveling Mercies that there are really only two prayers, Help me, Help me, Help me and Thank you Thank you Thank you.


I feel like I'm praying a lot of 'help me' right now. Help me not be such a stress case, help me not put so much pressure on my child already, help me be the kind of mom who can relax and enjoy the moment, help me not miss out on the joy that he is because I'm too busy worrying...the list goes on and on.

So, now that I've written out all my help me's, I'll finish this blog post with a few thank you's. Thank you for a boy who laughs and shrieks and talks all day long, thank you for sunshine and warmish weather, thank you for big blue eyes, for tulips on the verge of blooming, thank you for a husband who loves our son, good friends and the reminder that it's not my world to try and control.

Gratitude

Jack and I had a great weekend in Bellingham loving on soon-to-be-born Baby Lim and her mama. The college roommates have a tradition of gathering for a girls weekend to celebrate upcoming weddings or babies.

It always cracks me up how we can all pick up where we left off as if we were just living together yesterday. There is lots of laughing, a little bickering and that wonderful unspoken understanding that friends who really know each other just have.

Thanks ladies...now send me your pictures so I can post them on my BLOG!

--

And as thankful as I am for my friends, I'm really grateful for my hubby. Why you ask? Well, as I was sitting on Snoqualmie pass in an awful snow storm waiting for avalanche control to finish up, I thought to myself, if Aaron was here I wouldn't have to drive...

There is so much I take for granted that my husband just does. He drives in the scary weather, he maintains the cars and almost always pumps the gas. He mows the lawn (I've never mowed a lawn), fixes the plumbing, calls the repair man when we need it and pays the mortgage. I wouldn't know up from down if he disappeared. I know I could do all those things, but I'm so thankful I don't have to, and even more thankful that I get to be married to my husband. He's the best (to me!).

--

Aaron spent his free weekend knocking back projects around our house. He's so funny, I always encourage him to just relax and kick back whenever I leave town and instead he busies himself around the house fixing and tweaking things. Apparently, he is relaxed...

Anyway, he took a hand sander to our hardwood floors and re-verathaned then and they look fantastic! Several years of dog nails, high heals, and one to many times of dropping food on the floor and they were looking a little rough. Now, you can slide across them in your socks and Rem keeps slip sliding around as he tries to round a corner.

He also rotatiled a garden space in our side yard, so I'll keep you posted as things start growing.

Getting Ready

Okay...moving on...shall we?

It's bitterly cold here. The sun is out and my tulips and daffodils are peeking out from their winter blankets of leaves with such hope. Every time I walk past them, I think not yet little friends; wait just a little longer.

I'm ridiculously hopeful for spring. Stroller walks, gardening, shorts, flip flops, backyard barbecues, camping, SUN!

I almost bought Jackson sunscreen at Target today. But I decided that wasn't exactly a necessity just yet. Someday soon though...right?

I'm thinking about planting a vegetable garden this year. What should I plant? What's easy for a first timer? I don't have much room, so I'm thinking beans and peas are out but what about carrots, peppers and lettuce?

Talk to me people...the old blog has been a little quiet lately.

Your Blog is a Little Heavy on the Poop...

That is a direct quote from my husband.

I make no promises that this is the last blog entry about my sons bowel movements. It's a little all consuming these days.

I initially thought that the taking dairy out of my diet was helping, but I think I'm wrong. I don't think there's been any improvement yet and it's day five. I'm off to the natural foods store to buy baby probiotics. I'm sticking to the no dairy for a bit longer and I've also cut out nut products since my side of the family has that allergy and I eat peanut butter a lot.

I'm stressed.

Anyway...

I made really good chicken tortilla soup today. Here's the recipe:
(do you like how I'm now mixing my conversation about poop with food...I've hit new lows even for myself).

• 4 chicken breasts
• 1/2 can refried beans or more (trust me)
• can of black beans
• can of dices tomatoes
• can of green chilies
• 1/2 red pepper and 1/2 green pepper finely diced
• 1 medium yellow onion finely diced
• 1 box of low sodium chicken broth
• 1/2 jar of good green salsa
• 3 tbsp. taco seasoning
• salt and pepper

Throw chicken breasts into your crock pot (frozen or fresh) with half jar of green salsa. If you really want to turn up the flavor add 1 cup of water and two chicken bouillon cubes. If you don't have the boullion don't worry about it. Let cook on high for about two hours or until the chicken is cooked through.

Shred chicken with two forks and leave in crock pot. Add chicken stock, black beans, tomatoes, onion, peppers, corn and taco seasoning. Stir in refried beans and let simmer for another couple of hours. Add salt and pepper as you see fit.

Top with sour cream, avocado, tortilla chips and cheese!

The refried beans add a touch of creaminess to the soup, which I love. Although I will warn you that it will separate in the soup (when it's been cooled) and make the soup look kind of gross. Just give it a quick stir and it will congeal the way it's supposed to.

Happy crock pot day.

What Do You Title a Post About Poop? (Again)

We're on day three of no dairy and unbelievably we are seeing a marked improvement in Jack's 'issues.' I don't know if it's related but he's also sleeping a little better.

Sad for me as I made my famous garlic mashed potatoes that have butter, cream cheese and sour cream blended into them for dinner with friends last night. I sadly passed them by and piled salad high on my plate.

I'll be interested to know if all the diarrhea we've been dealing with is legitimatly a milk intolerance/allergy or if his system is just having a hard time digesting it while it heals from a virus. Regardless, I'm hopeful we've rounded the corner.

This morning I made french toast with vanilla soy milk instead of milk and it was really good. I almost couldn't tell the difference. I added extra cinnamon to cover the soy aftertaste and it worked!

Aaron and I were laughing this morning that this is going to force me to get over my sweet tooth since just about every dessert I love has chocolate, butter or some other kind of dairy in it.

Those last two or three pounds that have so stubbornly hung on...I'm hoping they disappear. Which, can we talk about weight for just a minute?

What is the deal with post-pregnancy bodies? The weight is almost all gone but my body doesn't look like it used to. Some of my old pants are too big...others are too tight. Shirts still don't fit right. I'm not necessarily complaining and I honestly don't think it's noticable to anyone but me and probably my husband, but it's a little disconcerting.

In some ways, I feel more comfortable in my own skin than I ever have before...there's something about aknowledging what your body is capable of in carrying and birthing a baby that makes me feel a little more tender and forgiving towards it. On the other hand, sometimes I look in the mirror and see every flaw, real and imagined, and just feel gross. Womanhood is such an odd dichotomy of embracing and hating ourselves all in the same moment.

I do love this picture I'm posting of Jack and I. We both look so healthy and happy. And truly, as contrite as it sounds, means more to me than anything.

4 Month Update

We went to the doctor for Jack's well baby appointment this morning. Our big boy weighed in at 19 pounds 5 ounces and 27 inches. He is big!

The doctor was pleased to see him meeting all his milestones and Jack showed off his new found 'voice,' shrieking and babbling away. He was a champ with his shots and only cried for a minute.

Unfortunately, we still haven't gotten the diarrhea completely in check and which means this mama is going off dairy for a couple of weeks to see if it helps. The dairy thing is hard because he doesn't have any other symptom of a milk allergy, but I don't know what else to do other than wait.

We have two weeks before his diarrhea goes from 'no big deal' to labeled chronic. And chronic diarrhea required x-rays and scopes and other scary tests that I don't want to think about.

The doctor thankfully didn't seem overly concerned because he is so big, it's not hindering his growth and he remains in the 95th percentile for height and weight. But, I'll be honest I'm starting to feel pretty anxious about the whole thing. I just want him to be okay.

Jack slept for about an hour in his crib today and I'm off to attempt another one. We didn't have such a great day sleeping wise yesterday so I'm hoping today is better.

Grace in Small Things

1. A perfectly made americano this morning

2. Stripy jammies

3. Laughter floating from the bathroom as Aaron bathes Jack

4. A new book to read

5. Chocolate chip oatmeal cookies (warm!)

6. Not having to do the dinner dishes

Mom Gig

I love this boy.

Especially when he's only wearing a diaper and his pudgy rolls are that much more accessible for munching.

We are in sleep-training boot camp around here. Day three and I'm confidant we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Jack just slept nearly two hours in his crib. I think some of this is harder on me than it is him.

I'm leaning more on the Healthy Seep Habits Happy Child philosophy with a dash of Baby Wise thrown in. We are working on naps at 9am, 1pm, a cat nap at 5pm and bedtime at 7-7:30pm. At this point I'm getting a 30 minute nap out of him at 9am, 1 to 2 hour naps in the afternoon, nothing but crying at 5pm and he goes down easily for bed at night. I'm not sure if I'll keep the early evening nap, but at 4 months old, I think he needs it. Any suggestions or reccomendations are welcome...please throw your two cents in.

This mom-gig is so much harder than I ever thought. The sheer weight of responsibility, not just to keep him alive, but to raise him falls heavy on my shoulders. Not because it's too hard or because I don't like it...but because I love this little guy so deeply and with such intensity that I don't want any mistakes made. I don't want to hurt him, mess up or make a choice that leads us down the wrong path.

And I know I will...I already have.

But I look into those beautiful blue eyes and see nothing but infinite potential.

For him and for me.

Park City

We had a fabulous time on vacation. Of course, even with the best of inentions, we didn't take a single photo, so these are stolen from Libby's blog.

This was a perfectly timed escape from dreary Yakima. We arrived to beautiful sunshine, eager grandparents, good food and decent snow. Even better, it was a truly fantastic time with friends. We laughed a lot (mostly about bodily functions)...I swear some things never change! But we snuck in some great conversations as well. After a couple of lonely years in Yakima, we are blessed with rich friendships.

Sir Poops-A-Lot

I'm happy to report Jack is on the mend. We are finally seeing a return to normal for our boy and gauging by the amount of drool the kid is currently dripping all over me, any worries of dehydration are out the window.

(Did you know one sign of dehydration in an infant is dry mouth?) This little illness put me on high alert. I don't like seeing my boy sick.

Anyway, we're off for four days of skiing, eating, drinking and playing...and maybe a little shopping. It's snowing in Utah right now and I'm hoping to avoid taking another spill like a I did a few weeks ago. I was up until midnight finishing up work projects so I could leave without worrying. It feels good to actually have gotten everything done.

We've been playing around with the idea of moving for several months. We have a great house but the layout isn't very conducive for a mobile baby and we have really limited storage space. Well, two nights ago a guy got stabbed at the park down the street from us. We have one rental house on our block and of course it is currently housing drug dealers. Apparently some deal went bad.

Finding a new house just got moved back up the priority list! I wanted to go for a walk with the boy yesterday afternoon, but I'm still a little spooked. It's not likely I would get robbed and stabbed, but just the fact that it happened so close to my house really frightens me. Who knew we lived in the ghetto?

Jack says...I want a new house...and maybe a new pair of pajamas...

Like Father Like Son

This picture melts me. Aaron and Jack sleeping in at his parent's house.

As usual I have lots to talk about but little inspiration to get it on the blog. I have a sick baby and lots of work to do. It's 10:18pm and my brain is shot. The countdown to our upcoming ski vacation is in full swing.

How about a few quick bullet points:

• I made Aaron chocolate cake with chocolate frosting from scratch for Valentines day. It was divine.
• We made an impromptu trip to Spokane over the weekend when we heard all of Aaron's siblings would be in town. We had a great time seeing everyone but didn't get to see one of his brothers.
• Unfortunately, Jack was stricken with mystery diarrhea which is still plaguing him. (hence no phone calls to my sweet spokane girls...I didn't want to risk infecting your little ones). It's bizarre, he is eating and playing normally, but on Sunday we panicked when we found blood in his diaper. We're having tests run, but no news yet.
• I walked four days last week and did 30 Day Shred twice, I'm back in the game. And I'm sore.
• One of my freelance clients should slow down in March which hopefully means more blogging and less complaining.
• Sleep training starts a week from today when we get back from vacation. I'm scared.

I'm off to bed...my brain is fried.

Valentines Day

I almost ruined our first Valentines Day.

Aaron and I had been dating about two months (long distance). My best friend Cate and I drove from Bellingham to Spokane so our boyfriends (also best friends) could take us on a surprise date. as a side note, Aaron and I introduced our friends Chad and Cate to each other, they hit if off, got married several months before us and now have a beautiful daughter named Claire. Also...Cate and I have a bit of a track record of dating best friends; we did the same thing in high school!

Anyway, back to my story. The day started with a beautiful delivery of fire and ice roses (my favorite!) and a sweet card. I was very smitten with Aaron but as a senior in college I didn't think I wanted anything 'too serious' and the fact that we were dating long distance, I didn't have much hope it would work out. Besides, he had long hair and wanted to be a Youth Leader when he graduated college and that didn't exactly go hand in hand with my plans.

The date consisted of snowshoeing, dinner out and then the four of us met up to stay at Chad's lake cabin for the night. Snow shoeing was a blast, dinner was fantastic, but it started to go down hill on the drive to the lake cabin.

Throughout the day, Aaron would make casual remarks about our future, they were sweet and innocent but the pressure was building. Like I mentioned before, as much as I adored him, I was completely pessimistic about it working out long-term. So, after an entire day of "someday we should..." or "lets do x,y,z someday," I was starting to panic.

Like the flip of a switch I turned into an ice princess. Cold shoulder, one word answers and the silent treatment frazzled my sweet boyfriend and baffled our friends. Finally, after a few hours of this, Aaron got me to start talking. As I rambled about how I just couldn't picture the future and we were just supposed to be 'having fun, nothing serious;' I realized how ridiculous I sounded.

I knew I wanted 'someday' with him. Who cares if we live 6 hours apart, we would make it work. Something triggered in my heart that night and a relaxed confidence settled into both of our hearts and I never freaked out over the future again. Thankfully Aaron forgave my drama and we went back to having fun with our friends.

A few months later I graduated from Western and moved to Spokane. Six months later we were engaged. Before we would actually get married, Aaron would be transferred to little old Yakima and we would do another 5 months of long distance.

We were so young when we met each other (heck, we're still really young) but I'm so glad life unfolded the way it did. It's amazing to look back and see all the little moments that lead up to right now. I couldn't have dreamed up a better present. This year, I have an extra special Valentine, who is currently napping in his crib. Can I get a hallelujah?

Wishing you chocolates and over priced flowers tomorrow! (And take my advice, don't turn into an ice princess on Valentines day...it ruins the mood).

Growing

Two really great things happened yesterday while I was brooding and feeling sorry for myself; I noticed the rotating pictures on my screen saver and read my friend Libby's blog. Both seemingly small things, had a profound impact on my mood and attitude. I thought I would share a few of the pictures I was looking at. I've already posted a lot of these, but I can't get enough of them, so I'm re-posting. I can't believe how Jack has grown in the last three and a half months. He absolutely amazes me. God is good.

*My husband is very cute and I love him for many reasons, one of which is when we woke up this morning to dog diarrhea all over our basement, he cleaned it up and let me continue snuggling the baby. Even my nasty carpet can't ruin my renewed spirit.

Cool Drink of Water

My dear friend Libby wrote a post today that was everything I needed to be reminded of.

Spirit filled words.

Go and be blessed by what she has to say, and take a few minutes to read her story. You won't regret it.

Brooding

I think the lack of posting the last few days has to do with how jam packed my brain is these days. Swirling around in there are several 'problems' I can't seem to fix so instead I just walk around in circles accomplishing nothing, but worrying about everything.

At the top of the list is my work situation. I have two major freelance clients. One requires that I spend about 8 hours in the office and another 8 to 10 hours at home. The other client doesn't require anything, they just send me work as they need it done. They promise to be consistent but it rarely is. Right now, it's really busy and the two clients combined are tricky to juggle. Days like today where I am up at 6am, working in the office, rushing home, feeding the baby and then praying he'll take a nap so I can work some more, in a word: blow.

I'm grateful for the work. Really I am. But, I miss my baby, I hate being so busy and I feel like neither of the projects are getting the attention they deserve. I promised myself when I had Jack that I would slow down and commit to doing less, but here I am in the same place I've been my whole life...over committed.

Please don't get me wrong, I know how lucky I am to not have to work full-time, but honestly, the challenge for me is that the work feels never ending. If I'm not taking care of the baby or cleaning up the house, I need to be working. Which means less time to spend with my husband and child, and no time for myself.

Here is what is so challenging for me, one of the clients is nice and steady. It's not the most exciting work I've ever done, but I can count on the paycheck. The other client provides work that I really enjoy, is very flexible and I can practically do it with my eyes closed, but it's not consistent.

Which leads me to my next conundrum, we are too busy. But when faced with a free day, both of us complain of boredom. We have work, baby, lots of social and work obligations, Aaron sits on several committees and we are in a bible study at our church. Throw in visits from out of town family, a dog and taking care of a house and there is barely enough time to eat a meal or catch a few hours of sleep.

And sleep, that's probably my biggest concern. Jack doesn't nap. He needs a more rigorous schedule and I know it, but each day is different around here. I can't decide if I need to hunker down and sleep train for the next few weeks or if it's okay that he typically only sleeps for 45 minutes at a time during the day. Night time sleep is going pretty well with just one middle of the night feeding...but this napping thing has me stumped. Littered all over my night stand is Baby Wise, Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child and Your Baby's First Year, all of them with different things to say.

I'm frustrated. I feel disconnected, stressed, frazzled and a little bit like I'm failing. I think what bugs me the most is I've done this to myself over and over again. Eventually I will have to make a choice about my clients and that's going to suck. Eventually I will back away from some of the commitments I've made and feelings will be hurt.

I know a lot of this will work itself out eventually. But, it's hard to wait. It's easier to worry and fuss.